A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, there's this guy i love very much. we've been dating for 9months now. am still a virgin. we have'nt had sex as agreed. we restricted ourselves to making out and dry humping. recently,he said he wants me to suck him and i said no, though he does not seem to be so angry about my objection. i said no because i feel am already having sex that way. my question now is: are my feelings true?, do you think doing this (sucking him) would definitely lead to sex? and would i be disvirgined if i do this. am confused, i dont want to lose him cause he's been a great guy. Thank you all.
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dry sex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for answering my question. To anonym, we are keeping each other until marriage.
A
female
reader, eri_sunshine  +, writes (6 September 2011):
Oral sex is considered by some to be sex, as it is a type, but in reality it is not losing your virginity and not "real" penetrative sex. It all depends on the views of the person, and if you feel like you are not staying true to your beliefs if you were to have oral sex, then you definitely do not have to do it! But technically, you will still be a virgin. It's good that the guy isn't pushing you, and it's perfectly normal for him to want more after nine months. If he forces you to have oral sex or if he's pushing you, then this is not the relationship for you- you need someone who can move at your pace. However, oral sex does not necessarily lead to real vaginal sex, if you don't let it get out of hand. I suggest that, if he is wanting oral sex, then you can progress in a different way before you move on to that- you can touch each other under the clothes, and explore each others bodies. It's a good idea to do this anyways before having oral sex so that you feel more comfortable. Take things at your own pace, and good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): I think you should stick to your values if they are that important to you. you seem like you want to compromise to keep your man. If he truly loves you he will respect your wishes and not push you. By him asking for oral sex, I take that as he is growing impatient and doesn't want to wait. You don't say what you are waiting for. Is it a certain length of time for the relationship to develop or is it for marriage?Also, you ask a couple questions.will sucking him lead to sex? To be quite blunt, if you make him come, then no. if not then both of you will just be getting warmed up and then that could lead to sex, IMO.and to add to that, in the strictest sense, you won't become deflowered (physically) by sucking him. However, will you regret this later? By how you describe your situation and desire not to do this, tells me that even oral sex is still sex to you. Therefore, don't go down (nice pun) that road.Stick to your values. If your man can't wait then you'll have to cut him loose or pleasure him.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Sex is a choice.
Sex isn't a snowball of out of control things that lead to each other with you having no control.
If that were true, every time someone would have sex, that would be rape. Without control, there's no consent. Without consent, sex is rape.
So, only have sex if you CHOOSE TO.
You can perform oral sex on him and have him perform oral sex on you without having vaginal penetration. It's perfectly easy to say "no" if you want to.
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