A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so my Bf broke up with me at the beginning of this month. I was devasted and shocked, because it was out of nowhere. We were a week away from moving in together in an apartment. Anyway, he would occasionally text me with empty stuff like how's work? and things like that. So fast forward to last week. He calls me and says he wants to exchange out stuff. I said ok, how about we meet next Tuesday and have lunch? He said he'd check his schedule and call me Thursday or Friday. I'd also like to mention he sounded dead on the phone. Like he was asking me how I was doing, and that he was going to his roots back in Honduras during Thanksgiving, and the whole time I acted happy and fine with everything.Then, on Thursday, we run into each other accidentally at college on Thursday. He looked terrible. I know he doesn't do drugs, and he isn't a heavy drinker, so I don't think he was hungover. It's just that he usually looks clean and cool but when I saw him, he looked like he rolled out of bed and immediately left for school like that. His eyes also looked dead. Well, I came up and said hi, and he sounded the same as when I was talking to him on the phone. He said he'd call me regarding the exchange.Sooooo.... It's now Monday, and I still haven't heard from him. I am trying to move on with my life, but I believe that we can work this out and get back together. My question is this: is he thinking about getting back together? I'd like to hear your view on what you think of this.
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female
reader, obsticalfree +, writes (28 September 2009):
What ever is wrong with him that is what his focus is on at the moment and if he has lost someone at home or is going through a depression it will be better to let him deal with it. He seems to want to do that alone :(. He may be trying to be honorable and deal with his problems alone. But.... it isn't a good sign for your relationship that he saw it as something to end or an unnecessary distraction. He may of been interested but not ready for a commitment and he may of thought that the right thing to do would be to end it with you and not use you for support or a casual relationship when he wasn't ready for more. Because you said he seem dead it looks like he has gone through some emotional trauma and that it wasn't you . But when we are truely 'close' to people we should share these things... so as much as you care and worry his actions are telling you he doen't feel the same or at least he can't at the moment. Look at his actions and live your life if he won't communicate or explain there i nothing you can do. I know you are in real pain but if he wanted you to be together with he way say so. Also...if he is in pain he may decide to use you for comfort at some point but that isn't a sign for a good relationship either. SO bide your time get on with your life and if he's for real he will at some point get back in touch. Hugs
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): am sorry for your pain..really I am. But, please, please, please stop waiting for this guy to call you. You saw him on Thursady...he said he'd call. It's now Monday and he's not calling. The guy is not thinking of getting back together with you...really he isn't. Why do we know this? Because he's not acting the part, here. Let's think rationally. Firstly, you need to remember that 'he' broke it off with you. Now, when anyone 'has moments where they wish you weren't with them or involved in their life' ..that's very stark, telling behavior. It will be difficult for you to think this over sensibly, as the break up is still fresh and raw but you are reading way too much into everything he does and doesn't do. Your heart is still engaged and you need to get to the point, where you will suddenly realize that contact is not allowing you to heal and recover. You need to begin the process of disengaging your feelings for him.
Now about his appearance. If he's feeling sad and 'looking dead'..I am concurring with Rhythym..the man is not giving one iota of a hoot, for what you went through, when he broke it off with you. To me it seems, he was contacting you simply because he felt needy/lonely at the moment, in which case he's being selfish because then these actions are only about him, not you. If he contacts you again, tell him to stop. Then start working on your life, your happiness. Jumpstart your life, girl! Put you first...it's time. Good luck and take care, hun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): I don't know how you could be saying that your ex is thinking about getting back together.
His cold dead eyes and flat emotional tone indicate to me that he is cut off from his heart completely, which is not a good place to be at all. He sounds like there is something wrong with him alright and he isn't going to share with you what that is.
I don't think you should take this break up personally at all, he has some other agenda and I think you are lucky this happened....you can do better. Further, why would you live with a man who hasn't asked you to marry him? A man does not fully commit until he tells you that you are the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with and marriage is on the table. Moving in together is playing house and gives the man no motivation to take the relationship further and is a trap for you.
Don't ever do that to yourself. Marriage and engagement first before cohabitating.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
I don't think it's a good idea to get back together. Having dead eyes means there's more going on than he'd like to and it certainly sounds as if he's not interested in getting back. Continue trying to move on with your life. It'll be for the best. There are others out there.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
I don't think it's a good idea to get back together. Having dead eyes means there's more going on than he'd like to and it certainly sounds as if he's not interested in getting back. Continue trying to move on with your life. It'll be for the best. There are others out there.
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