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anonymous
writes: Hi,My ex-girlfriend and I finally decided to call it quits after I accidentally read her chat logs with one of her friends (I swear I bumped into it but I dont think she believes me) about how she has a crush on one of my close mates. We've been housemates for nearly 6 months before actually getting together. This lasted for a good 3 months or so. As the break up has just happened, we're still living in the same house. She has no plans of moving out and hopes that neither do I. She says that she wants to remain as good mates just as before and seem okay about the whole break up. I find her post-break up attitude very disturbing. I'm not saying that I want her to sit in bed and cry the whole day but couldnt she at least show a little remorse or sadness? We had an argument the night before the break up and she insisted she wanted me back but only after a day, I calmed myself down and tried giving it a last go by asking her if we should try to forget the whole matter by starting afresh but she refused my suggestion. I know she did love me as I loved her and claims that the reason she wouldnt want to get back is not because she'd stop loving me, but the fact that she just couldnt find anywhere in her to forgive herself for what she did. My questions therfore are, how do I survive living with my ex whom I still love a lot in the same house? Is it at all possible? I wish for us to get back together but judging from what I told you, do you think she has really made up her mind about things and there's no going back on her part? Is there any way I can try to get her back? I'm in desperate need of help. Please help me. Thanks.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 January 2005):
 Your ex-girlfriend has no plans to move out and doesn't want you to either which indicates that she does value your friendship.Why can she not forgive herself? What did she do that was so wrong? You only say that she had a crush on one of your close friends. Does she still have a crush on him? Does she see him? I think you need to find out exactly why she wanted to split from you even if it was a joint decision. It does indeed seem as if she only wishes to be friends now judging from her behaviour. However, saying that, she could be concealing what she feels.You need to talk to her and discover some answers in order for you to live in the same house. You do need to know for certain whether there is any chance for you both again otherwise you could be living in hope and it may not happen.It seems she may be a bit confused so I think all you can do is talk to her. If that fails, drop her a letter explaining how you feel and post it under her door.In the meantime, it is a good idea for you to be with your friends and trying to have a bit of fun to distract yourself. I know this may be hard but push yourself to do it.Good luck.
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