A
male
age
36-40,
*AHHawaii
writes:My wife and I have been married for a little over a year now. The first year is always the hardest they say, but my wife may have just made it harder. She says that we have never had romance in our relationship and that from now on if I want sex I have to give her romance. We have a 5 year old daughter we live in Hawaii ( I am a soldier) and she make no effort to have any friends or find babysitters for things like this. She has not worked for a few months now. How am I to address what she wants when I don't know this island (Oahu) or anyone on it and am most comfortable just staying at home? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, AAHHawaii +, writes (3 May 2010):
AAHHawaii is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: Environment around the house still tense too tense to try Vintage's idea. Quite honestly too my wife is very insecure she acts like if I am not paying attention to her at all times that I am paying attention to someone else which quite literally is impossible for my normal work and home routine. I am home everyday and I don't have friends here to go out with and she caused me to alienate what few friends I had cause they were female and she felt threatened. And when I do show her some attention she is a bump on a log and has no clue what she wanted to do in the first place or its something that I can't stand doing. I am outside everyday so I prefer staying indoors so when she and my step daughter go to the park and they ask me if I wanna go I say nah go head. I feel that we are understanding each other less and less everyday, and intimacy is waning to nothing as well. She wants me to add all this little extra nonsense into my day to make her feel better, but its not always about feeling good. there are things that must be done regardless of how it makes you feel and that's what I do. She is not working so all the financial burden is on me, then she complains about the fact that she has no money to which I say get a job or stop complaining. My wife is extremely emotional whilst I am very much stoic and I let very very little affect me emotionally to the point my wife has said I am emotionless because I have difficulty understanding hers ( which change by the minute ) The situation here is devolving into cohabitation because we can't go out without arguing or her acting like an idiot and expecting me to ignore it. Or my step daughter acting out of pocket because she is in public and her mother does nothing to control her. She knows everything I am doing but pays not nearly as much attention to what her daughter is doing wrong. There is too much for me to say about the situation and I and feeling less and less connected to her everyday.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 You should not stop wooing her once you are married. You should continue to chase and woo her . Make her feel special and loved.Take an interest around the house and what she is doing.Validate her and give plenty of praises and compliments and avoid criticisms and complaints.In all things, consult her and asked for her opinions.Touch more and don't forget her important dates.
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A
male
reader, Quiet Guy +, writes (3 May 2010):
Thank you Vantage. Great advice.
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A
male
reader, AAHHawaii +, writes (3 May 2010):
AAHHawaii is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThx Vintage will try ASAP
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): You don't need to go out to have romance. You wife wants to feel loved and special.
Here's a few ideas, buy her flowers, leave her notes, send her cards love letters, cook a meal for her, run her a bath with candles round it, watch romantic comedies together, bring her coffee in bed in the morning, text her during the day, foreplay shouldn't just start in the bedroom.
A quote from a movie "If you give bigger kisses you'll get bigger hugs"
Have fun and enjoy each other
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