A
male
age
41-50,
*aritalprobsaz
writes:I just found out that my wife was on a dating website for like 10 mins. should i be concerned? we're going through some problems right now, but are still working it through. was she just seeing what is out there? we have two youngs kids.the reason that i know that it was for only that long was because of the web browser that she uses. you can see her log on via her facebook account. tab through things and look at a couple of profiles. then you can see her delete it. there are time stamps of the links.just how concerned should i be?
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male
reader, maritalprobsaz +, writes (7 September 2010):
maritalprobsaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongood call. like i said, i never really had any "trust" issues until now. like i said. she had the account for like 10 minutes, looked at a couple of profiles then deleted it. i can't say that i was just searching her name and something came up or anything like that. i'm about to vaguely mention her handle, but i think that might be too much.
we'll see.
A
female
reader, Inallhonesty... +, writes (7 September 2010):
 The important thing is, you're seeking help now. You have to stay strong and fight to the finish because you have children to think about.
How about you bring it up during counseling? It might put your mind at ease to know that you'll have a mediator once you confess to your wife that you invaded her privacy and the counselor will be able to address the issue with the dating profile as well. You might think it's tattling or you're thinking about how you'll hear about it once you get home but you've both been put on the spot in the session so you're kind of even.
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A
male
reader, maritalprobsaz +, writes (7 September 2010):
maritalprobsaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe has her own computer. and i know. i don't know how to bring it up. we are seeing professional help right now. though i'm afraid that it may be too late. she wanted to do counseling a while back, but i didn't feel that we were in that bad of shape.
i want to bring it up, just don't know how.
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A
female
reader, Inallhonesty... +, writes (6 September 2010):
She can't be mad about you finding out her browsing history any more than you for what she's guilty of if you really think about it. If she created a username and profile then that's different. She playing with fire even if it is just out of curiosity.
I still think you should approach her about it. Do you both use the same computer or is it her own? If it's just hers then you can't really explain how else you found out. If you both use the same computer on a regular basis, tell her you came across it while trying to look back on something. Let her know now, better than down the line when it's too late and she's having friendly conversation with someone else.
And if you don't mind me asking, are your marital problems serious enough for you to seek professional help?
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A
male
reader, maritalprobsaz +, writes (6 September 2010):
maritalprobsaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know that it wasn't just a pop up. she had actually created a username, tabbed through a few, and actually looked at different profiles. more than just one.
the fix action for our marital problems isn't going to be fast. it'll time some time.
if it continues on, i don't know how to bring it up. she'll then know that i've been looking through her computer's history.
i just don't know.
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A
female
reader, Inallhonesty... +, writes (6 September 2010):
You may have nothing to worry about and there could be a logical explanation for that. Maybe it was a pop up that she got redirected to or she was checking out a friend's profile. But if you guys were already having problems, I can see why you're concerned.
As much as I don't care for snooping, see if she continues to visit that particular site or any other dating sites. Problems in a relationship could cause curiosity in anyone so you need to try to fix them with her ASAP. I always believe communication is key. If the visits appear more frequent, calmly approach her about it and let her know that she can talk to you about whatever she feels is missing in your relationship. Find out what is lacking so she won't have to look elsewhere. I hope it's not as serious as you think. Good luck.
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