A
female
age
30-35,
*t88
writes:Hi everyone,I'm having a problem with my boyfriend of 1.5 years, but I guess to understand I'll have to tell you a little about both of us.Me: 21, emotional, bad anxiety, not the most articulate, work for my dad.Him: 27, emotionally dead, partier, works out of town 2 weeks at a time for his apprenticeship.We haven't had the best luck with our relationship recently, but we talk about our problems, and we both work at it...then for whatever reason it feels like I'm the only one that continues to work on it (almost as if the talks go in one ear and out the other, taking a little while to get through to the other side of his head). I find his lack of trying very frusterating, which makes me emotional...etc. Domino effect, if you know what I mean.Here's my issue, recently I went to the doctor about my anxiety and ended up having to have a physical and pelvic exam (just to makes sure everything was good)...well the nurse found a lump on my cervix and I had to have a biopsy. The same day the biopsy took place (happened to be when he was home on his "weekend"), he started getting bitter about having to come to my house to see me (I usually stay with him while he's home), because I wasn't feeling up to driving to see him. I finally decided it wasn't worth a fight, yes I felt like crap, but I love him, and it wasn't like I was stuck in bed, so I went to see him for a couple hours. During our chat about what the nurse said she thought the lump might be, he started putting conditions on whether or not he'll stay with me depends on what this lump turns out to be...I am extremely hurt that he would put conditions on our relationship over my health...Why would he do this? Am I kidding myself thinking he actually loves me? This feels like a breaking point for me, I dont want to leave him, but I dont know if I can stay with him either...I have anxiety, bad anxiety, and he knows I do. Why would he make me worry about him leaving me ON TOP of worrying about what this lump will turn out to be?I am so confused...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): I have heard of so many women whose husbands leave them because they receive a diagnosis of cancer. You haven't even received a diagnosis, just a scary warning, and he's threatening to leave. This is irredeemable in my eyes. I mean, I guess one can give him complete benefit of the doubt and say, "Oh what he really means is 'this is scary, I never thought I'd ever have to handle anything so scary as a health issue that threatens you, someone I care about so much.'" But it is hard for me to say that given all his other selfish behaviors. And look how you yourself described him: "emotionally dead" were your first two descriptors. That doesn't bode well to me at all. Plus, it sounds like other factors in your relationship cause you stress and anxiety.I'm sorry to be so strong in my condemnation of him, especially when I don't know the guy, except I feel like I kind of do because I dated a guy like him for SEVEN years. So much of my young life went into this guy, and he sounded just like this: "but we talk about our problems, and we both work at it...then for whatever reason it feels like I'm the only one that continues to work on it (almost as if the talks go in one ear and out the other, taking a little while to get through to the other side of his head)."I believed that I loved him, even felt it a lot of the time. Years 1 through 5 I thought things might really work, despite ALL evidence to the contrary (and there was a lot of evidence to the contrary). The last 2 years or so, I had pretty much given up, but I stayed out of principle and trying to "make things work". Please don't do that to yourself. You deserve better. You sound like an honest, courageous person and you deserve the same--and you will find the same, once you are out of this relationship. It is better be alone (romantically) than to be in a relationship without security, listening, and dedication. That's my opinion.
A
female
reader, Christine82  +, writes (17 May 2010):
He has a very selfish manner about him, he seems to be happy as long as life is simple. It's easier if you travel to him, it's easier if the lump is nothing but it's easier for you if he travels to you because of your current situation! Talk to him, get his explanation to his reaction. Just because you suffer from anxiety, doesn't mean you have to let people walk all over you!If you keep letting him have the upperhand he will carry on having the upperhand! Be strong Hun and take charge and if he doesn't like it then maybe you should ask yourself why you want to be with him.I hope your lump is nothing to worry about and that you overcome your anxiety!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 May 2010):
Dump him. He's not supporting you in the slightest, and is actually setting conditions for you to be with him when you need his support. He's a shit, pure and simple. You need to end it with him before you get destroyed by him,.
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