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Why is my ex suddenly contacting me?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 June 2007) 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 June 2007)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So, now my ex and I are at a point where I've tried getting over her and i was slightly successful (very recent breakup). But out of no where she begins to contact me once or twice a day for about 6 days straight. I'm here thinking, oh my god, maybe she feels something for me and wants to give me another chance. So I'm giving myself false hope again. It'd be alright if that what she was doing, but after I get off the phone with her today, my best friend calls me and says he just spoke to her on an online messenger. She asked him "do you think he's back to normal yet?" I'm not sure what that meant, but she was referring to me. Secondly, she said, "I've been trying to give him distance so that I'm not always on his mind." Can someone tell me in as many words as possible what this means? I need all possible angles.

View related questions: best friend, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I greatly appreciate all of your inputs. Thank you so much for the insight and advice. It seems the collective decision is to ignore her and not let myself get hurt. I am going to follow through with that plan. As a side note, she left me because she said we fought too much, but at the same time all I fought about with her is how I felt she never tried, and never showed me enough affection. Any progress she made in those areas was temporary and kind of ingenuine. So that's what happened, I loved her very deeply but now I think I should start the recovery process. Thanks again to all and you can leave more comments and advice if you'd like, it is GREATLY appreciated.

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A female reader, rachal  United States +, writes (12 June 2007):

rachal  agony aunti think that you should just forget her. but believe me i know that it's not going to be easy. i think it was pretty rude of her just to assume that she was always on your mind. but things wil get better. just give it some time okay? good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007):

Did she initiate the break up, hun ? You don't say. If she did, it sounds like you were in pain and very devastated. If this is true, then what her words meant were: She hurt you, she knows it and she's feeling remorseful and is checking up on you. But that doesn't mean she wants to get back together with you, dear and I hate to be the one to tell you that. Just be aware. Sometimes when two people break up and the wounds are raw, the dumpee grasps for answers, resolve and rationale desperately, like a drowning man grasps a straw. Breakups are just as tough for the dumper as they are for the dumpee, even moreso when she is female. Females are nuturers by nature, many of us feel guilt, when breaking up with someone we were close to, is the most harshest thing we can do. Guys can tend to detach emotionally, much better dumping a female. It's tough for you now, but don't get your hopes up too high. I would hate to see you feel the pain over and over again, when you are dealing with the grieving. If she didn't initiate the break up, and you did....she could be just 'feeling you out'--it might even mean that she misses you. But in lieu of how you are feeling and trying to make sense, I strongly feel that she broke up with you.

When people break up with others, I have to say-this has happened to all of us. Your feelings are still in a high- sensitive mode, right now. You need more time to accept what has happened. And take this in baby steps, to heal and recover. The only way you can do this? Is to be very strong and detach. No more contact with her. You need to concentrate on getting on with life as a single guy and work this through. It's tough to be rejected by someone we are close to..but in my mind-rejection opens up new doors and a wonderful, fresh start at beginning again and eventually (when you have recovered) ...brand new dating opportunities. To your ex gf, I would tell her not to feel the guilt. Dating is a process that has an end goal. To finding a lifelong partner, someday. You are both young and there could many other dating prospects in your futures, until you come upon the right one. As hard as it is to bust up with someone--it has to be done, if the relationship was experiencing problems and one of you just wasn't feeling the same. The bottom line is--you don't realize this now-but perhaps she did you a big favor. Time will tell. Look at it from that perspective..but also undertsand, this process of forgetting will take time. I am sorry for the heartache..really I am. Good luck and keep us updated.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007):

The only useful thing I've ever seen on Oprah was when she said once "ex-es are ex-es for a reson."

Words to live by. Nostalgia polishes off a lot of the cracks in the memory of a relationship. If you dump someone, or get dumpped, there's usually a reason for it even if you aren't told what it was.

Let it go.

Second chances are, and should be, rare.

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A female reader, xSarax United Kingdom +, writes (12 June 2007):

xSarax agony auntI think that your ex doesnt know what she wants. Therefore is messing with your head. i dont know the reason why you broke up so i cant give my opinion on why shes acting like she is but shes obviously putting on a front to her mates. if she was really over you then why would she be asking about you to your mate? maybe she gets kicks out of playing you but if she had any respect for you at all shed leave the relationship where it is and not get in touch or get back with you. i wouldnt get involved with her games because shell get fed up of playing them soon. if you want her back then just ignore her, she'll soon realise what shes missing. best of luck.

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A female reader, bubbloo24 Isle of Man +, writes (12 June 2007):

bubbloo24 agony auntI should think that she's telling your mates "I'm giving him distance to get over me" so that they don't think she's still hurting after the break up.

I reckon that she is saying this because she WANTS you to still like her ( as every girl wants guys chasing her) so that she still feels needed.

She may be saying this because she does still like you but she doesn't want other people to see her weakness.

I suggest you say to her " Right, why do you keep ringing me coz we split up and I don't understand what you're tryin to do to me here"

Unless you WANT her to keep ringing you, but this will make the break up more difficult than if you had a clean break.

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A female reader, Dojha United Kingdom +, writes (12 June 2007):

Dojha agony auntyour ex has only one mission: to toy with your emotions. she knows you are the one who still feels something and she is taking advantage of you by contacting you regularly when she isnt hoping to get back with you.

Next time she calls, don't pick up! have some fun and toy with her for once! let her know whose in control.

Tk cr

Dohja

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A female reader, Dojha United Kingdom +, writes (12 June 2007):

Dojha agony auntyour ex has only one mission: to toy with your emotions. she knows you are the one who still feels something and she is taking advantage of you by contacting you regularly when she isnt hoping to get back with you.

Next time she calls, don't pick up! have some fun and toy with her for once! let her know whose in control.

Tk cr

Dohja

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