A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend did something innapropriate. He flirted with another woman. He specifically asked me not to flirt with other men. I approached him about it, first he tried to act like he was joking, then he blatantly lied about it. But he never apologized. Now, for some reason, he is acting like I did something wrong and he is not contacting me. I have not contacted him either because I am always usually the one to call after an arguement even if it was not my fault. I feel like a doormat. This is the fourth day he has not contacted me. Am I doing the right thing by not contacting him? I feel I need to gain my self respect back. And he needs to respect me more.
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female
reader, kity  +, writes (24 February 2011):
dont give in, he will the one that comes runnin especially if he is in the wrong. stay strong please!! x
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Valid point dirtball... touche...
Care for a crumpet? :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Valid point Jmtmj. I'm trusting that because the OP and her SO have discussed this before, with him telling her what he doesn't like her doing, she is assuming these rules apply to him as well. It's true that it is never out right stated what he did, but if they've discussed flirting in the past, this is a little less of a blind accusal. Just my 2 cents.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (4 December 2010):
Flirting is such a broad term. One persons flirting is another persons conversation... so what exactly did he do/say and in what context.
I just think its a bit presumptuous to assume this is some kind of power play until we know that he's actually done something wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! Thanks everyone. I figured he was doing that AGAIN he is so daggon good at it that he has me second guessing myself. I know that is terrible. I really need to hear it from someone else. I really appreciate it!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 December 2010):
Glad to help. Don't worry, it's not rude to thank someone!
An explanation about his actions. What he's doing is a power play. By putting this back on you, he is attempting to deflect his guilt. It's a useful manipulation tactic. He knows he screwed up, but rather than handle it maturely and just apologizing and talking it out, he wants to maintain control over you. That's the only way he'll be able to successfully maintain this double standard.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): He is acting this way because he knows he is wrong. He is trying to pass the blame onto you because some men just can't be wrong! They think if you think you are at fault you will forget that he is actually the one in the wrong and he will be out of the dog house. Stay strong girl! Don't let this kind of behavior be a part of your life! If you cave and let him get away with this now, he will continue to act like this in the future!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you DIRTBALL!! I felt weird typing that lol, felt like I was being rude to you!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 December 2010):
You are absolutely doing the right thing by not contacting him. Don't cave! He screwed up, so he should come and apologize. You should never tolerate a double standard such as this.
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