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Why is he talking to his ex? Should I leave him?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 December 2012)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

hi i have a problem and need advice. my husband, 5 years now, is talking to his ex gf almost every day he works. not when at home. at first i caught him looking at his calls on cell phone and emails. then i told him to not talk to her and i called her cell phone and forbid her to talk to him. so now i don't see her number in his phone or emails, but now, when i look at his cell, i see many calls, now blocked during his work hours. i know its her!!! why is he doing this behind my back? and should i leave him????

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (19 December 2012):

tennisstar88 agony auntMaybe she's blackmailing him?

Or maybe he never got over her since you two married after they broke up.

Either way you need to confront your husband and put your foot down. Either he stops talking to her, or he can get out of this marriage to go be with her.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012):

What he is doing is not right, waves red flag, if he is lying and sneaking behind your back talking or hanging out with her behind your back he not wanting to have a stable relationship with you. Its time to give him the boot.

I've been a similar situation before and it was uncomfortable. One fact that I knew they had history together and another how dysfunctional it was- gave me bad vibes. Trust your gut because most times it turns out to be dead on.

Look over this, http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_250/295_acceptable-ex-interactions.html, it explains acceptable interaction with an ex and whats not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012):

He was with her a long time more than 10 years, he broke it off, she lived in his home. then he met me, which i knew him as a colleague for awhile. married me shortly after their breakup. she was very possesive and he hated her. he said he would never talk to her again. so im confused!! now he talks to her daily!!!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012):

How do you mean blocked.. Like you can't see the number?

I'd sit down and have a chat with ASAP, but before that I would try and get a copy of the phone records ? Don't know if that's possible for you ..

If I couldn't I still think it time for a chat, and I'd tell him calmly and concisely that if he values this marriage and me, that he will discontinue with whatever it is he's doing.. As honey of they shoe was on the other foot he would not appreciate this behaviour either, sooo why should you ...

I would add that I know for a fact that he and his ex were talking and that this is not on, it disrespects you .. It disrespects your marriage..

I would say that if he continues within these lines then you really need to have a serious think about your future . I would even say a break .. Where he can do as he pleases, but believe me you would be doing the same.. And if that happened what would be the point of any marriage ..

Then I would march up the stairs and calmly go to bed and let mr I might be a cheater think it over..

Stand your ground and go on strike, do not cook for him, clean for him, wash his clothes for him... Just say ooe I thought darling what's her name would be doing, as you talk soo much sweetie and then make your own, tell him your official on stroke until he actually stops it..

Hope it helps it.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (18 December 2012):

tennisstar88 agony auntOh dear, don't try to take control of the situation and forbid her from calling him. She doesn't know you and has zero respect for you. it obviously didn't work because she's calling from a blocked number now.

You provided no informational background about your marriage, so no one is going to be able to tell you why. The only person that can tell you that is your husband. I suggest you sit him down and confront him about her your recent findings.

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A male reader, NerdyGuy Russian Federation +, writes (18 December 2012):

Please, don't leave him unless you're sure he's messing with you. A lot of relationships are broken because people can't control their emotions. Sometimes there is no actual reason to break up: fear, lack of trust and confidence do the job for you.

I know it's hard, but try to calm down and be objective.

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