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Why doesn't a guy call when you give him your number?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2007) 12 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

This question has probably been asked so many times... but if you meet a guy at a party, and he spends the whole evening talking to you, seems really into you, gets your number and tells you hes going to call you... WHY DOESN'T HE?! It's been 3 days- does this mean he just changed his mind? Or should I still expect a call?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):

In the past, I've gotten girls' phone numbers just to prove to myself that I could. When I asked for the number, I was at the very least "on the fence" about possible interest in them. But then a day or 2 passes and you don't care either way.

Of course, karma has a way of kicking me in the balls. Recently, I've gotten phone numbers of some pretty hot women, girls I had a real connection with during conversation. But when I've called, they've completely blown me off. One girl was at the gym when I called and said she'd call me back ---- she never did. Then another girl never answered her phone (hell, I don't answer my phone when I don't recognize a #). So I left a voicemail. Never heard back.

The point is ----- that's life. Forget about them and move on to the next one (s). Life is completely random. Don't think about it too much. And don't let it worry you ---- worrying doesn't help. A lot of times, I pick out small things that I said or did that could have contributed to her losing interest. Reflect on the initial interaction, conduct a brief self assessment of your performance, and then learn from your mistakes and move on and find somebody better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

Man I wish I knew! I'm separated and haven't dated in an embarrasingly long time. A friend introduced me to one of his co-workers and we hit it off. We've had some great dates and even greater sex. All of the sudden "poof" he won't return my phone calls. What he does do is tell my friend how great I am, how busy he is at work and he really needs to call me! How busy can one man be? It's now day 3 and I haven't heard from him. I feel like the biggest sucker.

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A male reader, bamsidol4 United States +, writes (24 January 2007):

bamsidol4 agony auntwell we dont call you because we think you gave us the number becuase you felt sorry for us, or becuase we dont kno wat to say to you. this is happening to me now,, i got a girls number and want to call her but dont know wat to say.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007):

After three days ... he might still call. Probably not.

The thing i will say is that the women I know always seem to internalize this sort of thing-- they meet a guy, he seems so into them, he asks for their number, and then, if he doesn't call, they feel like it must have been something they did ... like the somehow screwed up without realizing, and drove him away, turned him off, etc. this is insane. First of all, how ego-centric can you be? Second of all, it's just insecurities playing with you.

It takes some effort to ask for a girl's number - it doesn't just happen accidentally. So when a guy does it, 99% of the time, he does it for a legitimate reason. Sometimes, though, he doesn't call. There are a few reasons this might be.

1) He's rebounding. Guys rebound differently than girls do. Girls sit around and eat ben & jerry's- guys get drunk and/or hit on strangers. But often, the next morning, they realize they're just not ready to move on. It has nothing to do with the woman from the bar/party/whatever. It has everything to do with whether they're really over the relationship they're rebounding from. Don't take it so personally.

2) He started seeing someone else. This sometimes happens, and again, it has nothing to do with you. Maybe he'd been seeing a girl for a while, and she'd backed off. So he was trying to put her behind him, and he thought he'd get the number of a nice, hit girl he met. But then, a day or two later, stand-offish girl re-enters the picture. Well what do you expect? He has some feelings for that girl already developed. Or maybe he gets back together with an ex who dumped him recently, and who he's been trying, miserably, to get over. Again- these have nothing to do with you- they have to do with things that were going on in his life long before he met you at a bar.

3) He just wanted to feel good. Sometimes guys get numbers even if they know, consciously or just at some level, that they're not in a place to start seeing someone, and they won't be able to call. But they're at a bar, and they've been talking to this hot girl. And they think- man, i think she likes me. really. does she like me enough to give me her number? hmmm ... maybe i'll see ... It's an ego game. Cruel to you? Yes. But a guy with that much need for ego-reinforcement probably isn't someone you want calling, anyway.

So, no- he's probably not going to call. But it also is almost certainly completely unrelated to anything having to do with you.

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A female reader, DeeDoc United States +, writes (24 January 2007):

DeeDoc agony auntTHESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: I agree with Malyce 100%. It could be a number of things that is preventing him from calling you. All in all, I say, do not wait by the phone. Continue on with your endeavors and if he should call at a later date, you just might be taken, yet, you might not. Good luck sweetie, keep your phone line open for future prospects. =o)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

Doubts and fears tend to enter the sanest of minds and repaint the bestest of intentions. We all fall prey to fears, insecurities...these things happen.

I say...for whatever reasons...let it be a missed oppurtunity for you both and look forward to the next one...life is chalk full of second chances.

Best of wishes.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2007):

willywombat agony auntBecause he just is not that bothered. It happens a bit in life, we build our hopes up, they come crashing down when it doesn't pan out. Move on hunny!

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

Well there are many answers even tho some of them you wont like to hear but coming from another guy this is why ive done it:

-You two were at a party,how much was he drinking?

-He may have a girlfriend already and is waiting for a chance to have time for you

-Was just trying to be nice

-Just wants a booty call when its good for him

-Just wanted to see if he could actually get ur number

-Couldve possibly lost your number

-Is waiting so he dosnt look desparate..(honestly it HAS been only 3 days ya know)

BUt heres one thing: if he calls you and its been over a week and he wants to do somthin rite away(like ya know..hey baby im comin ta pick u up rite now c u in an hour aight?)That means he only wants that ONE THING from you.. because he cant respect you enough to plan a date and give you that consideration that you need to start off in any good relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know that everything you say is right, but it doesn't stop me feeling a bit rejected.

It couldn't have been a power thing, because I was on my own when i met him and it was at a party where he knew everyone.

He doesn't have a girlfriend, and if he lost my number I would be very easy to trace, he goes to the same school as my best friend.

I doubt he was a player, because he didn't once try anything with me, just kept telling me about how he was going to take me out to different places.

Which just leaves the drunk thing... definite possibility. Thanks for your help :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

Probably the same reason a girl won't call back after she gives you her number and you leave a message. Sometimes someone asks or gives a number to be nice and end the conversation. its a cruel world out there and i don't ever want to be single again. Hang in there, if he doesn't call it is his loss.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007):

Maybe he had been drinking and later when sober thought to himself that he doesn't want to pursue anything further with you? Perhaps he lost your number? Perhaps he had no intention of calling you and he just wanted to see if he could get your number? Perhaps he has a girlfriend? It could be one of sooooo many different reasons.

I guess as it has only been 3 days he could still call you. Lots of people (guys and girls) subscribe to the whole not wanting to seem too desperate and instead play it cool.

CD is right don't let it affect you personally the whole dating thing is all about these little things, you just have to look at yourself in the mirror and go "nope, I am great and it's his loss that he doesn't want to know me!" you might feel a bit silly but if you say it enough you'll find yourself feeling remarkably better about the whole thing... trust me, try it! ;)

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2007):

cd206 agony auntLol, try not to generalise all guys! You'll upset the uncles. I understand it's annoying and perplexing and all the rest when they don't call you but the truth is that only they know the reason why. Maybe the next day it doesn't seem like such a good idea, or they had had a few drinks at the party and forgotten that they don't actually want a girlfriend right now or maybe he was just a player, in it for the night and no more. Only he knows the truth but don't let it get you down. Just get back up and keep getting out there and giving out your number. One of them will call sooner or later!

CD

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