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Why does this guy not respond to my text when I ask a question?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 January 2013) 14 Answers - (Newest, 7 January 2013)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi there and thank you for the response back.

There is this guy that I like that has this annoying habit of not responding to text messages when I ask a question.

For example, tonight he sent me a text message where he was complaining about being bugged by angry customers calling him on his day off. We exchanged a couple of text messages about that (all within 10 minutes of each other) and then I asked him if he was having a good day otherwise. He said that he was. I responded back almost immediately to that asking him if he was doing anything fun and exciting...

...but no response.

This isn't the first time that he has done this where I ask him something and he doesn't reply back but right now I find it extremely annoying. In fact it is pissing me off a little. I want to text him again being like "what's the big deal???" but am holding back because I know that won't lead anywhere good.

Basically does anyone know why he might do this?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks. :)

Actually shortly after I replied here, he actually sent me a text message with something completely unrelated. I was very tempted to reply back but never did. I ended up giving myself a pat on the back for doing that.

Now that I had a little time to think, I know what I am going to do now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013):

I agree with blonde30s. Try not to read too much into it. He's just not a big texter. Women text way more than guys. That's why it comes across to you as an "annoying habit". I can't have a conversation via text message. If it goes to and fro more than two or three times it gets tiring no matter who it is. I much prefer to talk.

You wrote that he had been complaining about customers and that went on for a while. You asked him if he was having a good day otherwise. Amazingly, considering the customers were bugging him, he kept his chin up saying he was! Then you wrote him asking him if he was doing anything fun and exciting (?). He was at work, being bugged by customers. How could he be doing fun and exciting stuff?

That would be my explanation for his behavior.

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (6 January 2013):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntHim "hiding" actually does help matters. It gives you more time to get your head straight about him, gauge his level of interest in you, and for you to consider what you expect from him and guys in general.

It's a very good plan for you to refrain from contacting him. Keep it up (the no contact) and good luck for your future.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you again to everyone that provided answers.

I get the feeling that he might be "hiding" from me now, which doesn't help the situation any. So I am not going to focus on thinking about him as much. If he decides to reach out to me again, I will handle it then, but I am NOT going to be the one to initiate that contact.

I... think that is the best course of action to take right now.

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A male reader, tby1 United Kingdom +, writes (6 January 2013):

tby1 agony auntIf he was interested he would be more open in his messages to you and be looking forward to your contact. Your nothing more to him than a friend who he can text whenever he wants, he may string you along at times but that's for his own confidence and self worth. Save your msgs for somebody who will treat you right

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013):

He's not interested. It's that simple.

Women spend a lot of time trying to find reasons and excuses for mens behaviour, when really it is very straight-forward!

You deserve better, so go find yourself a great guy :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013):

Maybe he's just not much of a texter. A lot of men aren't. If it's bothering you that much juts ask him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well he never did respond to the question that I asked him so I am going to let it be. If he does text me again (which there is probably a 50/50 chance that he will by the end of this weekend with something completely different) then I might ignore it to give him a taste of his own medicine no matter how badly I might want to respond. Because I do like him, but less so when he acts like this.

I guess I am just having a real hard time wrapping my brain around him not being that interested. I mean, just the other day we had the most amazing conversation ever (not done via texting mind you) where the things he said would lead one to believe he was interested and he is usually the one to text me first with some random picture or something that is on his mind, etc.

I don't know... I need to sit down and figure things out. :(

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (5 January 2013):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntHmm I wouldn't be overly impressed with that habit of his, either. If he's busy he could just text "sorry, got to go, chat later" or something. Not just ignore you.

But I'm not a big fan of having conversations by text. Much better for one of you to phone the other. It shows interest and a degree of effort. I'd go so far as to see it as a red (or at least amber) flag if a guy always texted rather than phoned.

And he doesn't seem to care that he might be coming across as an ignorant, selfish idiot by cutting off conversations and never asking after you. That doesn't indicate a high level of interest!

If I were you, I'd quietly forget about this guy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Again thanks to everyone that responded so far.

I guess what is confusing me is that he: 1.) Reached out to ME. I wasn't the one that texted him first; he was... and 2.) Normally when we talk, for the most part our conversations are great and he definitely gives the impression that he likes me.

I don't necessarily buy the "he was too busy" to respond reason though - if only because I know that at least for a period of time AFTER I sent that text, he had an opportunity to respond.

So while what you all are saying might have some truth to it, I just find it hard to believe because of what he does.

And yeah... I am disappointed that he didn't ask how my day was either. That is about par for the course for him though. When he does ask, I am usually pretty damn shocked. :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013):

Also if none of that works then like the other people are saying he's not interested, let it go and find someone else who thinks your wonderful! Because you ARE!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013):

He could just be busy. Or he could be done of those guys that thinks to keep from losing you he has to wait two days before answering your texts. (I've ran in a lot of stupid websites that promote this tip, and it's a BAD one.) Or:

Your boring him! Try sending silly flirty messages occasionally noting to racy mind you but just flirty enough so he knows your interested. I like to send stuff like poems and stuff such as:

In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

Are you free -- send buy it self wait 10 seconds then send --- for the rest of your life?

Sometimes words are so hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you know you're always on my mind!

Mine for saying goodnight: As the velvet night covers the sky, my Passion and love for you are like 1000 stars in the sky..good night!

Mine: It's so cold over here, want to help me warm up? ~_^

Don't just send him boring messages asking what he's doing ongoing into long details about a shopping trip, you'll bore him to death!

Above all talk to him don't just text! Or even better go to see him if you can. Guys are visually stimulated texing doesn't do much for them.

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A female reader, ThinkingOverdrive United Kingdom +, writes (5 January 2013):

The only thing I can think of is that he's not as interested in you as you are in him. It was a little rude of him to not ask how your day was after you asked him!

Not texting back seems to be a classic 'he's just not that into you' sign. Just leave it for now and see if he texts you back; if not don't make the first move - if he wants to talk to you he'll text you first.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013):

simple: he's not that interested in you.

don't try to create complicated answers for simple questions. ask yourself - if the roles were reversed, and you were not responding to someone, what would be the reason for that? probably because you just weren't feeling it that much. sorry it may not be what you want to hear. i definitely would not text him and ask what his deal is. i would just back off a bit.

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