A
female
age
30-35,
*lackroses2989
writes:hey everyone, I really need help! It's New Years right now, and m bf and I had plans to visit one of my friends because she was alone for new Years ( bf was home, which is a few hrs away and her friends were all working) So We were going ot visit her, then one of his coworkers called him about an hr after Id made plans with my friend. He told me to cancel and go with him, but I told him that was horribly rude, esp since shes been my bff for about 6 years. Ive known her longer than Ive known him! But I feel like every time I plan something, his friends end up calling him right after and he wants to go but doesnt because of me. I don't want he or his friends to feel like he can't go just because of him. But when I tell him to go, he stays since he doesnt want me ot feel bad, then the fight starts. He starts saying rude things, even when he doesn't realize he's doing it. I tell him to go, and then he decides to stay, but then I tell him to go because he starts saying things thta hurt me so badly and make me feel like a horrible gf. Sometimes I wonder if I am. Either way we always end up in a fight, or one goes and the other stays. Usually I go because I hate being treated like that, It hurts so bad. Sorry I'll get back on track. Anyways he ended up goin to his coworkers party and I'm here with my friend, I'm staying hte night w her and he's staying at his moms ( its near his friends place) Now I just feel abandoned, even though I told him to go. He said some terrible things I can feel the tears well in my eyes when I think about it. I'm just so hurt, I talk ot him about it, but he just does it get it. What should I do??? I'm so lost.
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female
reader, pinkipod109 +, writes (1 January 2009):
 wow. first of all, you are DEFINITELY not a bad gf just because of the things he says. you want him to have fun and not miss out on anything because of you, which is really sweet. relationships are give and take. it seems like your trying give, but he's tryng to give too. tell him he shouldnt feel like he's leaving you alone, and to make him feel better you can call him (or vice versa) a few hours after he leaves and you guys can talk for hours even. this'll make BOTH of you feel better.
if a fight breaks out, end it as quickly as possible. if he does end up going, you want him to have a good time, not think about the last thing he said to u before he left. Try to balance everything out. if you make plans with friends (or they make plans including you) and he has something he wants u to go to, go to them once and a while. its all give and take hun. this'll make him feel better, and you can call your friends later. have him do the same thing for you, and hopefully this wont happen so often. GOOD LUCK!
~ a fellow dater
A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Hi, Not the best way to start the New Year!
You're very young so what are you still hanging around with this guy for?
Find someone who does things your way sometimes, without putting you on a "guilt trip".
Relationships are about give and take = compromise.
In this case, the decision was already made to go out with your friend. It was inconsiderate of him to change the plans.
Perhaps he'd rather be with his friends than be with you! Ask him!
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