A
male
age
36-40,
*enTJ
writes:Dear Cupid,I have fallen for a woman (co-worker) and I have no idea if it is mutual or not. I don't understand why she would not have an interest in me. A big reason I fell for her in the first place is because I felt she did have an interest in me/cared about me/genuinely appreciated me, etc.What does it take for someone to fall for you?...I just don't get it. Here are some reasons why I think she liked me or should like me...1. I believe she had an interest in me before it was mutual. Just the way she was around me, the way she looked at me, some of the things she did, invited me out to a party with her, etc.2. Chemistry. We get along great. We can talk, laugh and joke with ease. We are comfortable around each other. We are good together. We work great together. I felt like we genuinely cared for each other.3. Attraction. She has complimented me on my looks before. She knows that other women do so as well. Good looks, dresses well, good hygiene, etc.4. Sense of humor...we can both make each other laugh, and play jokes/pranks on each other.5. We're both single and open.6. Both intelligent and educated. (Similar characteristics)7. Personalities mesh... I'm a nice, genuine, easy-going, family-oriented guy. Modest, kinda shy, etc. No ego. She has mentioned this to me before as well. I'm not a crazy partier, but I like sports, hanging with friends and family, movies, traveling, tv, etc. Definitely not a guy that sits on the couch all day. I can get along with anyone.She's a very nice, intelligent, funny, social, family-oriented girl. I just feel like she's a great fit for me.8. She knows I care about her. Since falling for her, I've tried to do things to show how much I care. She's happy when I do these things.So if we have chemistry, I care about her a great deal, we're attracted to each other, have a lot of similar goals/traits, and we're both single...why does she not like me? What does it take?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): Has she told you she was not interested or are you guessing?
For some reason, girls aren't always attracted to "nice" guys. As a girl, I wish I could tell you why. The answer to that question is written in the stars. We want the bad ones, the ones who treat us like dirt. The nice ones, we throw by the wayside and sometimes, we pick them up later.
You are not doing anything wrong. But, if you try ignoring her for awhile, or maybe canceling an outing or two at the last minute, she might come around. (this might not be the best advice).
A
female
reader, Dr.Ski  +, writes (1 August 2010):
aww, you two are definately bonding! you see, if you think about it, when your not sure about something, you spend a lot of time thinking about it! so maybe she is just thinking about things before she commits herself too a relationship. I think true love takes longest, but when it finally comes, you can say it was worth the wait. My advice too you is too just wait, keep doing what your doing, Maybe invite her out too something that you enjoy doing? And watch the sparks fly. From everything you have told me, it sounds like she definateley has an interest, But when she finally tells you the same, is when you will be together. Patience is the answer my friend! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): ...Hm, assuming from the onset she doesn't like you seems to me like a BIG assumption to start with!Have you thought that maybe she's waiting for you to ask her out? According to your description, she does seem to be interested but maybe she's 'old fshioned' and refuses to make the first move...and seeing you're shy and won't make a move you're both 'stuck' - so to speak.Ask her out on a date...and watch how THAT will do the trick :-)
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A
female
reader, bronxchica20 +, writes (1 August 2010):
 how do you know she doesn't like you?have you asked her that or asked her out?sometimes people can have a connection like both of you do but maybe she like you as a good friend or cares about you that muchi still think you should as her out its the only way to know and if she says no ask her why since yall have great chemistrythere's alot of people who like each other but dont show it that much but since you wrote the way both of you look at each other and the way you feel around her. i think you should go for ithope everything works out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): All I can think of this that perhaps if you interacted with her just at work and didn't yet actually invited her out on a date, perhaps she got tired of waiting and just gave up.Or, perhaps she has met another guy she's attracted to and hits it off well with.Or, maybe she has concerns/worries over her job/family issues/her health. Perhaps she's mulling over plans for her future and is preoccupied.......it's really hard to tell and could be anything, or nothing.Why don't you ask her to have dinner with you and see what she says?from: Denise32
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