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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife of five years has announced she wants to get a tattoo. However, she knows I hate them and don't want her to have it done. She says it will be discrete and only I'd be able to see it, but why do so when I don't like them? I love her as she is and don't want her blemished. She won't have one either that has any meaning or reference to me. I think she's got the idea from a couple of girlfriends who also have them, but seems to take their side rather than her husbands. She's played the 'you don't own me' card, and the more I say don't get one the more determined she seems to do so! It may seem a small problem compared to some on this website, but it's really bugging me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): She is doing it because SHE wants to. Her whole life isn't about being attractive for you. She obviously wants to do something for herself. So because she has a tattoo, a discreet one no less, you say she will be less attractive to you. I hope she doesn't find this as much a shallow thing to say as I do. If one small thing can make her less attractive in your eyes, then I feel sorry for her.
But you are right that by telling her not to do it or to keep expressing your distaste over it will only come across as controlling and possessive and she will no doubt get the hump about it. Just let her do it but if you want to, express your dislike for them and then leave it as that. But I would seriously suggest not mentioning her being less attractive to you for having one as that is just plain rude in my opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Thank you both for your comments! Yes of course it is her choice at the end of the day, and I certainly don't want to appear too controlling or possessive. The most difficult thing is why she should want to do something that will almost certainly make her less attractive to me. If I'll be the only one who sees it, why do it!
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (10 July 2006):
 I know what you mean. I've tried convincing my girlfriend not to get one but she's got her mind set on the idea and I dont wanna risk being too controlling.
I think there may be no convincing your wife neither. If I were you, I'd just go along with this. There's not much else you can do without risking big fights. I guess you could support her by helping her pick something you both like? Then maybe you wouldn't hate it as much
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