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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi I love my bf a lot and he has done nothing wrong to me, but it just does not feel right we have been together about 11 months I im 23 he is 26. We get along fine but I have this feeling inside me that when I am with him it just feels wrong but I don't know what to tell my bf. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2005): It is hard to understand what you mean by 'wrong' dear, but I'll take as stab at it. Do you mean perhaps you feel disillusioned with your relationship, that the passionate spark is gone? If I'm wrong then disregard, the following. If I'm somewhat right then read on.
It sounds like you and your bf are simply going through the ever changing processes of love, which is normal. Attraction, romance, passion, have likely waned a bit because he's feeling a level of comfort with you. Emotional Intimacy and commitment could be what you are experiencing now and you may be misconstruing that for lack of interest or the feeling something is 'wrong'.
You may be at the emotional intimacy stage where you are 'best friends' and your thoughts, your feelings, your dreams. In true intimacy, there is likely nothing that you cannot tell this person. Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which never ends. Many couple never establish emotional intimacy with their partners, but it is needed for a relationship to endure through the years. Along with the emotional intimacy you may have arrived at the committment phase. Committing is a pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are bad. You may be going through a 'bad time" right now, so you can learn to ride out the bad times. If you've made it this far, why give up? It sounds like there's a lot of love there so give this time and be patient. Talk and Listen to each other, be willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place. Take care, dear
Hugs,
Irish
A
female
reader, InAgOnY4yOu +, writes (21 October 2005):
i completely understand where you are coming from, in your issue. I also was in your position ofcourse i had not been with my partner for as long as you had but it had been an amount of 4 months. Over the first week i wasnt sure wther it was right and six weeks later i ended the relationship, after id done this i found it was not him that i felt wrong with but something else in my life, i regretted doing so and fortunalty my partner took me back i did this a number of times and regretted each one, sadly things have not worked out and now i regret so much wasting all our time thinking could this be wrong? I suggest you think very very carefully about this and look holisticly at your life before pin pointing your problem as being with your partner. hope this helped and you dont make the mistakes i did x
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A
female
reader, not again +, writes (21 October 2005):
If it feels wrong then why are you there? You should leave. Is it him that you feel "wrong" about? Maybe you could give us a bit more of an explanation of what you mean by "wrong". It's a bit vague! xx
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