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My husband has changed... Everything is about him now and everything I do is wrong!

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Question - (21 October 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

My husband is 20+ years older than I am and just turned 87 this month. This is not my problem.

We have been married for 10 years and together for 12 years. My problem is that after his mother died, his life revolves around the couch, 3 news papers a day, CNN 24-7, increased drinking, loss of appitite (Ensure 3 times a day now), paranoia, and now he wants to put all our assets into a trust so that I will be "well taken care of" after he is gone.

I went back to school full time at his reqest and will soon have my BA. When he goes to the store, he buys only for himself and everything I want or like is because I am one of those "60's Hippies." We go nowhere, my friends are now all bad or lesbians. Necessary trips are for his personal needs, there is never time for my appointments but yet he will ask why I haven't gotten things done. If I am late comming home he threatens to kick me out. Then he wants to cuddle an hour later. The doctor assures me that there is nothing wrong with him. I just want back the man I married.

Has anyone had this problem and what are the chances that it will not get worse? I am sure that it is dementia.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2005):

At the age of 87 years, it is highly likely that your husband may have dementia or the onset of depression, which is very common in the elderly. Sometimes, just the neurobiological changes associated with ageing is enough to cause depression and sometimes, even anger and frustration as a result. Depression is tough to diagnose, as each individual displays the signs in diverse ways. The only way to confirm this is to seek a medical opinion for him from a psychologist or get a 2nd opinion from another medical doctor. If it is dementia, it is not curable but there are medications that can help. You must ensure that the doctor knows about your husband's deteriorating behaviour, which sounds like someone who may have a depression /emotional problem associated with his ageing. Both of these can be treated. I would suggest you write out on paper, detailed examples of the some of his behaviour changes for the doctor to see. I wish you the best dear..it often hard to watch our loved ones deteriorate as progressive ageing sets in. I give you credit for being a devoted, loving wife and helping him through this. But don't forget, sometimes caring for our elderly loved ones is emotionally and physically draining. So it's vital that you take steps to do things for yourself, such as hobbies, good friends, activities and interests you like. But as far as "getting your husband back" -that may be an answer only the medical professionals can answer. Good luck and take care, dear

Hugs, Irish

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