A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why does my mum hate me so much? am so upset? My mum was washing the dishes and I went to get a plate to make a sandwich then she told me to wash it after and I said "that's enough I will wash it" I didn't even finish the sentence and she slapped me on the eye. It really hurts and now my eye is shut and tears won't stop coming.Am so upset. I threw the plate on the floor cos it stang bad when she hit me.Why would she do that? I do the dishes all the time, I try so hard for her to like me. Nothing I do pleases her. She loves my brother but hates. She's never in the mood with me but always chatting and having a laugh with my dad and my brother.I wanna leave home but I have nowhere to go:(Why does she hate me so much? She calls me a witch sometimes:(Hugs..xxThanks..x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): This sounds like emotional and physical abuse and, because it is coming from your Mum who you love despite her being nasty to you, you just don't 'get' why she would behave that way.
Has she always been this way with you? I mean for years? Does she show you affection and encourage you and support you emotionally? Or does she continually find ways to make you feel insecure and bad about yourself? Does she hit you very often?
If it is the latter, and she is making you feel very bad about it then you MUST tell someone what she is doing. The situation will not change unless she understands that what she is doing is abusing you.
I know that it might seem absolutely crazy, but sometimes parents have their own messed up feelings that they have not sorted out and they vent all their frustration and anger onto their children. Sometimes, what is really cruel, is that they will favour one child and make them feel wonderful, whilst making the other child feel awful and insecure and unloved. In the case of mothers and daughters, this can be when the mother feels threatened by the younger woman whether it is because she is more intelligent, more good looking, or simply because she has more options and choices available to her in her young life. The sad fact is that a lot of women do NOT support one another because they have learned, very young, that to get male attention and support they must compete with other women and so they cannot properly bond even with their own daughters.
What your Mum is doing by showing affection to your brother and the opposite to you is both hurtful and 'mind-bending' in the sense that it eats away at your sense of self-worth and does this all the more because you are given no rational explanation for it.
If you feel frightened of what your Mum would say or do if you told someone about her behaviour then this is an indication that she is treating you wrongly. In a healthy Mum and daughter relationship this might still be tricky, but usually the Mum will WANT to know if she is doing something to hurt the daughter and, however much it hurts the Mum to hear, she will take it on board and discuss it with her. In an absusive situation, the Mum will totally deny that she has done anything wrong at all and will 'punish' the daughter - one way or another - for exposing her bad behaviour.
You could try keeping a secret record of what your Mum says and does to make you feel bad. This is important because, if you do decide that you are going to speak out, some people will just try to say that you are being jealous of your brother. Maybe there is a little bit of that but no wonder! I would feel "jealous" and sad if my Mum hit me and hugged my brother! But what I am saying is that you need a record of what she does to hurt you and how often this happens, including things that you find "missing" or "neglectful" - like if you have a normal need for a girl your age such as for your Mum to make sure you have sanitary towels and so on and you ask her and she doesn't get any or give you money to get any, then this is one neglectful thing. Or if you are legitimately hurt about something that happened or that someone did to you and she doesn't comfort you or help you - that is a neglectful act on your mother's part.
Either go down this route or try just talking to your Mum about how you feel, but I imagine that she won't respond well.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Romanilove  +, writes (17 October 2011):
Do not shut yourself in your room to avoid your family. That is the easy way out. Ask your mom why she hit you. Tell her she makes you feel unloved. If she apologizes, express your feelings .non the other hand if you are neglected at home maybe you should move out with understanding relatives or friends if available.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (17 October 2011):
 The same thing happens with me. Although I'm more like a laughingstock in my family who recieves no respect...Especially from my mom.
I tend to shut myself in my room and avoid them, and it seems to work. I've kinda got an "Out of sight, out of mind" thing going on...
Maybe you should try that, and hopefully it works well!
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