A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i hope you can help me here.A friend of mine...hes a guy we;ve known each other a few years.He says to people he wants to be good friends with me, hes said to me before we're great friends, he'll never fall out with me and he loves me as a friend etc.I ask....why, if he wants to be good friends, wont he treat me like the others? Why wont he meet me alone to go for a drink or a night out?When we do go out its with other people and he just talks to them all the time, his focus is on them, he goes and messes around and has fun with them. But me?.....nope, nothing. If i try to speak to him he will answer but goes straight back to the others. Honestly as if hes only bothered about them. And he will only speak to me if he has something to say.He is a good guy which is why i dont understand this. Is it so much to ask for that two "friends" make an effort to talk to each other? I also dont understand what the problem with meeting me alone is?Please help hes not the type of person who will just tell you if you ask him either. I fear theres an underlying reason for it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 He probably sense some interest in your part...try telling him that you want nothing more than just to be friends. This might work but actions speak louder than words, and your actions might be yelling in wanting more. If you only want to be friends than tell him that. I think he is still a little rude.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2010):
 There's certainly a lot of emphasis on the word "friends" here. Are you sure there isn't something more to your feelings for him?
Perhaps he senses that you feel more than just friendly affection for him and is very carefully keeping you at arm's length so he doesn't have to reject you outright? You sound very hurt that he is treating you so formally and distantly. I think you might consider just accepting that this is how things are going to be, and turn your attention and your time to others who are indeed friends. It's like a waste of psychic energy to keep fretting about him.
Shrug your shoulders, smile at the situation, turn your back on it, and go on and live your life without worrying about him any more. He doesn't sound that lovely, to be honest.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Well, from what you describe, right off-hand, I'd say he's not much of a friend at all.
In other words, he has told you he loves you "as a friend". Very mealy-mouthed.
Look: real friends - whether between two guys or two women - consists of both sometimes calling, emailing one another and suggesting places to go (maybe see a ballgame together, out for a drink, or lunch, see a movie, etc.)
I'd forget about attempting to be friends. You're not getting anywhere trying to discuss it with him. He evidently has no real interest in being anything more than a (very) casual acquaintance of yours; not a good friend.....
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A
female
reader, Cherry_Blossom99 +, writes (20 May 2010):
 To be honest, I can't see why he is classed as your "friend" when he treats you like this. You should ask him outright, and say look i need to know becuase this is not how friends act together, and if there is a reason you cna resolve it. if not, then i think you're beter off without him. x
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