A
female
age
51-59,
*emmet
writes:Hi,I have been married for 14 years and have gone through Relate, family therapy, to cut the story short a very difficult marriage. My husband has a bullying personality, he has difficulties with boundaries and has a hurtful and mild antisocial behaviour. Recently,I discovered he has gone to massage/sauna for the last 5 years, paying cash and I never knew anything about it. I discovered through his phone bill, putting the number on google, so the business name came out. He has been always very flirty and never cared about my feelings, but I found shocking that he goes to this places. I checked the health and beauty place and didn't give me a good impression, it's got entrycom system, camera at the door, and you pay £35 and they give you a key and you can hear all the girls giggling downstairs? I suppose what I assume is correct, I asked him why does he go? and he said it's nothing harmful and nothing to do with me!!! and the russian lady who does the full body massage is very proffessional and there is no sex. My question is why does he go there?
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female
reader, memmet +, writes (10 January 2011):
memmet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses. I have collected a lot of information about antisocial and bullying personality for the last 6 months.It was then when he was officially diagnosed, but because we have three children I decided to wait and see if he was going to take the family therapy seriously . Obviously, I have realised that these type of people will never changed so I have started divorce proceedings. It is sad to break a family but I know it is the only way to have a better life .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Anon female: ' I googled antisocial....' Wow your answer is perfect.I actually learnt a few things from you.To the OP: Hun, you know what goes on in these brothels, sorry massage parlours. So now that you have discovered what your hb is up to , what do u plan on doing about his cheating?Your hb has no respect whatsoever for you. When are u going to take a stand and say Enough, is Enough. Walk away. Yes you will have hard times but at least you will have your dignity back.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): Why does he go there? duh. How many women do you see pulling wads of cash out of the ATMs and walking in and out of that place? If they told every inquiring wife the truth the place would be shut down.Massage parlours are brothels.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): I googled antisocial personality and saw references to Charles Manson and that these are the psychopaths of our world. Maybe you describe him as mild because he's not a mass murderer. I looked up the symptoms and they include breaking the law, violating others, sexual promiscuity, recklessness, unemployment, no remorse, serial bullying,and conning people.
That all must be fine by you to stay maried so long as he isn't fooling around? According to what I read about antisocials, cheating is a way of life and they are impulsive and opportunistic when it comes to their wants. What is to stop your husband if he has no remorse and cares nothing for your feelings? Did your counselling include looking deep within yourself to see why you would be with him? Does focusing on him help you avoid issues you have? Why are you shocked he would lie and go to prostitutes? From what I read that is what they do.
Don't you think it's more shocking you are surprised he's acting just like an antisocial is supposed to?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 January 2011):
Apparently he just goes there for the massage, and there's no real proof of anything else. Though the whole set up sounds very suspicious to me.
That said, there are clearly other issues that are cause for concern. I would focus less on the massages, and more on whether you even want to be with him anymore anyway. He doesn't seem committed, he's a bully, he can be hurtful and you know that he hides things from you. I can honestly say you've done your bit in this marriage. Perhaps the time has now come for you to put yourself first and decide whether you want to be with a man who says that visiting a suspicious massage parlour is none of your business, and who just bullies you.
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