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Why does my guy hide his porn habit from me?

Tagged as: Pornography, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 September 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 26 September 2008)
A female United States age 26-29, *winkles08 writes:

What should I do about my guy porn habit? We've been together for almost two years, and when we started dating I made it very clear that porn was not an option because I consider it cheating. I told him that if he wanted to watch the stuff that I wasn't the one for him. A couple of weeks ago I stumbled on somw porn websites that he had saved on his laptop and was downloading the stuff onto his iPod. I have since then given him plenty of chances to kick the habit, but everytime I see new porn stuff poping up around the house he lies to me about it saying that he doesn't know anything about it. I love him very much and we have an amazing sex life, so why is he doing this? If I was to do something of that nature he would flip! I wouldn't have such a problem with it if he didn't hide it from me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008):

It's NOT a problem if the porno never replaces you - a living breathing, woman. Problem is, you probably won't know until it is too late and it does!!

It IS a problem because you clearly stated that you don't want a guy that's into that. Don't believe these people that say, all men need it, have to have it, and "just deal"!! Not ALL men (that are walking on 2 legs) are slaves to their penis's every little desire!!

Porno addiction is a slowly progressive one. It's a gamble too. Not everyone will progress to have a problem with it. I think you should stick to your guns - it clearly was a deal-breaker for you to begin with. Don't make exceptions that sell out your heart....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008):

Maybe what is amazing sex to you, isn't so amazing to him, hun. Try asking your lover what else you can do to pleasure him, then be open to giving it a try. Porn is addictive. It stimulates the pleasure center of the brain and acts very much like a narcotic. Like any addict, he can't be "cured" unless that is what he wants. It doesn't sound like your lover wants to be cured, so you need to decide, can you live with his porn addction? If not, you should probably leave him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008):

he hides it because he knows that your completely against him watching it.he watches it,because he enjoys it.he enjoys it because hes a human and hes doing what comes naturally.i think the real solution would be not to make him stop watching it,but for you to be more understanding of it.as long as its not something he does excessively and is ignoring you,then porn can even be healthy for your relationship.watch it with him occasionaly,you can learn some new tricks in the process.porn is not the enemy.sex is fun to have and fun to watch...just open your mind:)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008):

If you consider porn cheating you are a complete idiot. Let me make life easier for you! 95% of all men cheat! I don't care how good looking you are, how good at sex you are, we are still gonna cheat given the chance.

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A female reader, epifanatical Australia +, writes (25 September 2008):

epifanatical agony aunthey sweetee thats one thing that would be damn near impossible to control, a guys porn surfing habits. Guys are very visual creatures and porn happens to be an outlet for his harmless masturbation fantasies. It doesnt mean he loves you any less. As far as hiding it from you, errr its so obvious why isnt it? You dont approve of it so thats why he keeps it from you. What is so threatening about porn anyway? Do you fear he will be comparing you with his bunnies online? Dont think that way sweetee.. its nothing but fantasy.. you know.. mind fodder.. its harmless truly. I think you should be a lil more accepting. Why not ask to join him in watching some porn? and then observe his reaction? and ask him things as you do? He would enjoy that very much i think and it would make you closer and more trusting. I was once like you too .. actually you remind me of how i was towards it until i became involved in it with my hubby, and things were never hidden after that. We experimented and enjoyed better sex because of it. Try it! It works ! cheers !! :)

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (25 September 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntYou forbid him from having porn, demand an explanation and that it is thrown out when you find it. You wonder why he hides it from you but then say that it would be less a problem if he didn't hide it from you.

Not all these statements can be true.

Men have porn. Either accept that or be prepared to spend a LOOONG time searching for one who doesn't. He is out there, but changes are HE has demands you can't or don't want to meet.

Why do men look at porn? Lets reverse the question, you love him very much so your romantic needs are being met. Do you watch romantic movies? Then you are doing the exact same thing as him having a good sex life and still watching porn.

If you consider porn cheating then so is watching Titanic. As for forcing your guy to watch Titanic with you... well that is just wrong.

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