A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I hate asking him for help with anything. So do my siblings. If you do ask, he turns everything around on you. He says things like "Why do I have to do EVERYTHING?" or "You'll have to wait, I'm doing everything else". "WHY am I the only person who does everything around here?". He just keeps complaining and goes on and on. Then he'll phone a friend and bitch to them that we don't do anything and we're all lazy.But he doesn't actually do everything. Especially the housework who he thinks he's so above doing. Thats soemthing that he never does. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (2 June 2012):
 Verbal abuse is irrelevant. Why stay in your parent's home and continue to take that?
You don't need to ask your daddy's permission to move out!
Like Eyes said, unless you are bound and chained in the basement, you're free to pack your things and LEAVE. It's legal and your parents CANNOT stop you.
We've answered your question and all said the same thing. If you don't like it, then move out. There's no one physically stopping you. You're the one who is holding yourself back and continuing to reside there.
BUT if you CHOOSE to stay (no one makes that decision, you do), then don't complain about your situation.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2012):
 This doesn't ring true to me. Unless they have you chained to the bedpost, pack your bags and move out, they'll get over it. It just doesn't make sense that you are putting up with all of this "abuse" unless it's really not that bad after all and you actually are the one who wants to stay tucked in the nest.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2012):
 Don't " bring it up ", just save money and LEAVE. It is obvious that you won't leave with his blessing, so no point in wasting more years waiting that he comes around.
Once you have left- he won't be able to abuse you any more.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 June 2012):
Don't " bring it up ", just save money and LEAVE. It is obvious that you won't leave with his blessing, so no point in wasting more years waiting that he comes around.
Once you have left- he won't be able to abuse you any more.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (1 June 2012):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's just the thing he never wants me to leave home, hence verbal abuse when I being it up. Otherwise I wouldn't be posting this in the first place. He akways lies that no one leaves home at my age.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2011):
Since you're an adult, it's up to you to make that decision to leave your parent's home. No one can stop you. But I don't think you want to leave.
If you're going to continue to live underneath their roof, then I would stop complaining about them. It is YOU who chooses to live there, they're not making that choice for you.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (16 September 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do pay for everything myself, my car, bills and my own groceries. I also pay board.
I've tried talking to them, but all I get is verbal abuse. I am not lying and making things up.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 July 2011):
So what are you going to do then? Live at home until you're 35?? Or until you find a future husband?
You've got to leave sometime. So what if they're dysfunctional? I'm very sure they're capable of functioning just fine without you living under their roof. Perhaps it's you who is having trouble cutting the cord and not them. Any other person would just pick up and move out. It's really that simple.
Unless of course, your parents are chronically ill or disabled to the point of where they're unable to care for themselves..but none of that applies to your situation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 July 2011):
So ? ... If your parents are so dysfunctional,one more reason and incentive to get the hell out of there !
The hard, cold truth is that , now matter how bad are the cards we have been dealt with, ultimately WE have the responsibility to play them the best way we can.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (4 July 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWho doesn't want their daughter to be an independent woman? My parents thats who. My parents are pretty dysfunctional, unlike normal people they don't want to leave. Otherwise I would never have a problem with them.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 July 2011):
So what are you asking him with help on??
At 22-25, you are an adult who is capable of making her own life altering changes. You're no longer a minor in your parents care. You CAN leave the nest, with or without their permission. You have a job and pay for things on your own. Yes it's pricey but you can get a roommate to split the living expenses.
What's stopping you?
I do caution you to leave on good terms, in case of any financial woes, or in the event you lose your job, you can always move back home.
Sit down and talk to them, TELL them you are moving out. You ARE an adult who is capable of making her own sensible choices. Also point out that it will make you more independent...Who doesn't want their daughter to be an independent woman?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 July 2011):
But, it's NOT up your parents , it's up to you.
You are responsible for directing your life in the course that canmake you happier, and luckily you work and can pay for everything you want.
If you don't do it just because your dad will grumble or yell or swear, sorry but... only yourself to blame.
Sure, leaving home in this atmosphere is not going to be easy, it may be stressing, painful, hard.
No more and no less than dealing with any other situation sooner or later you may have to face : illness, being fired, divorce, - the problem you will have with your own children :)
If you find the secret for going through life without ever facing problems and inconveniences, and never having to confront or argue with anybody... tell me and I am moving to Australia within the day !
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (2 July 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf it was up to my parents I'd be over 30 and still living at home. They don't want an emtpy nest.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (2 July 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI work and pay for everything I want myself. If I want something I have to work for it, my parents never help me at all. My dad isn't a single parent, my parents are still married. You say that I shouldn't be living at home and I agree with you. I have posted about this before too. I'm the one that wants to move out, but my parents never want me to grow up and leave. I can't talk about leaving home without them swearing their head off at me, even though I'm a grown adult. My dad thinks everyone my age should be living at home instead. All I get is excuses and verball abuse from them.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 June 2011):
Actually all parents do this. It's just acting out sheer frustration. Is your dad a single parent? That could be part of it, he's tired of playing the role of mother and father.
Does your father go to work 5 days a week? Even work over time? That's probably one reason he doesn't do housework. Do you have a job? How many siblings do you have? He figures there are enough of you to split the chores up amongst yourselves, especially if he's the only one bringing home the bacon.
Depending upon the requests and age of your siblings, he figures you guys should be pretty self sufficient and depend on him less.
1t 22-25, that's generally the age or earlier people leave their parent's nest and venture into the real world. Although sometimes situations arise like financial issues or having to take care of a parent who is physically unable to care for themselves, to keep you from moving out. If you are in none of these situations, then I suggest moving out and learning some independence. Now if there's something binding you there, then just keep your requests at a minimum and learn some self reliance. You are living under his roof, the less you push his buttons the better you will get along.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Umm, I see your age, 22 to 25.I know this is shocking to this generation, but most normal adults once they leave school....they get a job and leave home.Maybe what you're picking up on is a frustrated father who is wondering when his kids are actually going to grow up and get a life of their own.Stop being so ungrateful, you're old enough to have a life, go have one!If you don't like it, do something about it, quite simple really.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 A father is the provider of the family and do the best he can to provide all your needs at home and education as well. But at your age, you should learn how to become independent and have an independent mind.
Let us not be selfish here as a child/daughter, you are an adult now and I don't know how many siblings you have that should still be under his care but your father needs breathing too, he deserves to be happy and enjoy his life as well.
Before you asked these questions to us, have you tried to consider and understand the feelings of your Dad? I feel he doesn't only have the pressures at work but he gets it as well at home and he feels unappreciated reasons he gets annoyed every time you ask something from him.
Talk and seat with your Dad and ask him how you and your siblings can be of assistance to him to help him ease his tensions and pressures. I am sure he has lots in mind right now on how to resolve his own problems. As a family, walk hand in hand and help each other and communicate. Communication is very important and this way, you will have the understanding and will know what to do and resolve issues at home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Can't tell without knowing you who does the most work, and it might be worth looking into how many hours each spends doing what - not to have an argument but to get a realistic idea.
You might also like to ask him whether he thinks what he does takes more time than what you do, but try to do so in a non-challenging way. You might also like to discuss which chores each doesn't mind doing and which they do, and share them out. It may be that there a few of them you can swap, which in turn would show each of you the amount of work involved.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 June 2011):
Then don't ask him anything, or limit your request to a bare indispensable minimum. That will train you to be independent and self reliant, and won't give him the satisfaction to go on about your lazyness.
I think that without noticing you maybe are leaning a bit too much on your dad. I can't think of anything that at 25 I would necessarily have needed my dad's help for ! ( except sending my way some very appreciated cash ,of course - but that too were gifts, I did not ask ).
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