A
female
age
30-35,
*ellyDancerAme
writes:Some women are seen as strong independent women. I know that some of the people I know would say that about me but the truth is I'm not that tough underneath this facade.I can speak in public talk to strangers dance in front of hundreds of people on my own, yet if you toy with my emotions or put me in a situation which involves my heart that's it all the walls crumble and that strong women you though was there quite simple isn't anymore.So I met someone, we became friends then grew apart which hurt at first but I got over it, he then came back like nothing happen we fooled around did stupid things but enjoyed ourselves then he disappears again, I'm fine with a none committed relationship and yet this bothered me, I didn't want to be with him forever, we would probably kill each other. We clash, not the old opposites attract but more like not quite opposites we really aren't meant for each other.So why do I care, why does it bother me that he has gone, I have someone who loves me and I know he does, and I could see my future with this other guy, so why should I care if some fling no longer shows interest? Why am I bothered? It's not like he has made me feel beautiful or ugly? He didn't boost my confidence? And yet it hurts that he would just go like that.Sometime I think that even the strongest woman has a part of her which can be injured. A part which ever she didn't know she had.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2013): You brought up a couple of points in your post that gave me a small clue that you might consider.You have to remember, although you don't get along; he once had your trust. That is the key to your vulnerability. He also knows you so intimately; he still maintains a certain amount of power over your emotions. The man you love to hate, and hate to love.He is familiar, shares history, and knows how to awaken your passion. You haven't fully freed yourself. You still have feelings for him. You deny them, but they're still there. No matter how deep you try to bury them. If you didn't have feelings, you wouldn't have submitted to sex; nor would you miss him.The fact you haven't totally let go, is how he reopened old some old wounds. Emotionally, he knocks your legs out from under you. Then it's back to square one. You're pining for him. Just like you felt when you first broke up.All you really did after leaving him, was learn to hide your feelings. Just something else you hide behind your facade. You broke up, but you haven't given up on the past. It's holding you back. He is using you, playing with you, then crushing you by abandoning you just after he stirs up your feelings. Weakening you little by little, when he sees you gaining strength. Open you eyes woman!!! It's time to let go. This game is really corroding you from the inside out. It is retarding your progress to recover and get over him. Until you actually do get over him, he will come out of nowhere, and immobilize you. Then leave. He wants to keep you paralyzed. Suspended in time, until he finds a suitable replacement. If you don't get over this guy, that will hurt you deeply when it happens. You can speak all that rhetoric about how you're so indifferent. Yet you completely contradict yourself. You're a mess over this man. He keeps you reliving the day you broke up. He knows how that makes you relapse. The cruel part is, he doesn't want you back.He's the spider. You're the fly caught in his web. His bite paralyzes you, and the web keeps you suspended in one place.He's not doing you any good. You can't move on to reclaim your power and your own identity. You put too much in his hands.You haven't come to terms with the breakup, and you don't realize that you are a whole person. You think he still owns a piece of you. Cut him out of your life once and for all; and you will no longer be bothered when he leaves.Stop playing out this cheesy novel. He's a piece of dirt.JUST STOP IT! Don't turn around and try to camouflage your feelings with all that stuff about being fine with being non-committed. You've got it bad for this man. It's toxic.If you can't cut yourself completely clean. Seek counseling so you can come to terms with the fact, you and this guy are broken up; but you can't get past your love addiction. He's using it to manipulate your feelings, and keep you from breaking free until he finds your replacement. He doesn't want you to get over him first. He doesn't want you to take back your power, and he doesn't want to see you happy without him. Least of all, find someone who will treat you better, and you'll fully accept it. That means he lost, and you win. His goal is to keep you alone. He doesn't want you, and doesn't want anyone else to have you either. He's protecting his ego. You've been duped.When you see this crap for what it is. You won't miss him.In the meantime, keep dancing and pretending to be strong.With enough practice, you'll believe it. The truth is, you are strong. You're fooling yourself that you're not.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 I am not too clear here. Are you saying you have a boyfriend and then a fling on the side? I think we all have an ego which thinks that we are omnipotent and are entitled to everyone's love. When a fling leaves you, you don't feel as powerful and you also wonder who else would leave you in the future. It's the feeling that we have no control over everything.
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