A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Jealousy question...You are dating a guy, and he hangs out with women who he knows have feelings for him. But he's ok with it since he has no interest in them but as friends. Is this ok or am I overreacting? I don't like the fact that he's with them... I don't trust them... Is it a reasonable thing for him to keep seeing them and hanging out at their place and going places with them?=/ I could be overreacting.. but it makes me feel uncomfortable. He would dump me if I told him not to hang out. I don't care if he hangs out with his friends, but I do care when he hangs out with friends that have crushes/feelings for him. He will "never be in a relationship again where someone tells me that forbids me to be with my friends." Which I agree with in concept, but... does he have to be with women who want to fuck/ date him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): as silly as this may sound, everyone enjoys getting there ego stroked. even if its unknowingly, subconsciously it feels good. agreeing with the person above me,"knowing guys, he MAY possibly be like "whatever".compromising is not a bad thing,as long as the both of you are coming from an understanding point of view. not to down grade you in anyway, because there are many people that can be self cautious, even I. But look at it this way, at the end of the day, He's with you. :) Trust him, unless he's given a reason for you not too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): i have been through the same situation and you have every right to feel un comfortable because you know they fancy him.. however i told my boyfreindly nicely and calmly that i do not feel ok with this! he understood because he knew that it would mess things up between us. As a result of my chat with him, he completely stop hanging with them. He has plenty of freinds that i have no problem with, that he hangs out with, just not ex pottentials lool. Men are not mind readers just talk with him, communication is the key forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Is he hanging out with these women one-on-one? Is there evidence that he's doing anything beyond just "hanging out"? How do you know for sure that these women like him?
I used to tell my boyfriend "It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I don't trust HER" when I would express my discomfort with him hanging out with a female friend he's known for years. Then, I realized, it takes TWO people. He would have to accept her come-ons and continue the action in order for him to be cheating on me.
Your boyfriend is with you, not them, and he's probably fully capable of telling them "No" or pushing them away if they attempt anything with him. I wouldn't worry about him spending time with women who might have a crush on him, unless he starts mentioning that the women made a move on him or something while they were hanging out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Your concerns are reasonable. I would suggest speaking to him and telling him your concerns. Knowing guys, he MAY possibly be like "whatever". However, come up with a compromise here. He wants to see his friends and you wanna make sure he is not tempted. Perhaps you could agree to be with him when he's around these women? so they feel a little intimidated and back off. I used to do that with men who'd hit on my lady..Id show up and bam... their snakes went back in their cages lol. Key word: compromise. Figure that out and im sure things will be okay :)
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