A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I got a question. With relationships, why do people try to block out the past?Sometimes, you can ask your partner a question and they lie about something that happened in the past.Why do they do that?Why won't people admit that they have done the wrong thing in a relationship in the past?There was this woman I was interested in years ago and people told me that I should not make advances towards her because she was in a profession that did not allow the patient to ask out the Doctor. But when I said she made advances towards me, they denied it.Why can't people sometimes just tell the truth? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 July 2011):
 Sorry, I understand that you may want to protect your privacy and not give details, but in this case your questions, posed in an abstract,pseudo- philosophical context, mean nothing at all.
"Why can't people some times just tell the truth "?.
Who told you they don't. You assume that everybody lies about their past all the time , and that' s very debatable.
Second, how do you know it's the absolute, factual truth ? that there is no possibility of misinterpretations and misunderstandings ? What rules have been unequivocable broken , and according to whom ?. " Inappropriate " can also be in the eyes of the beholder.
Eventually,if we have to take your question literally, the answer is self evident and rather lame. Because when people actually do something wrong and break the rules, there are consequences to pay, and often they 'd rather not pay them, whether it be losing their job or being fined or losing their reputation etc. So they lie to protect themselves.
But this is so banally obvious, that I don't think is what your question is really about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never said I was going to expose this woman (not a girl) for her inappropriate behaviour. I just asked why people are insincere and block out the past. You don't understand all the circumstances of the event, so it might be best if you don't comment. I've said what I think and you've said what you think, so it might be best if we just agree to disagree.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): Kicking the hornets nest, causing a problem for no good reason. I mean it's pretty pointless kicking a hornets nest, you're just going to get stung bad for no benefit.
Which is similar to your situation OP because from what I can tell you don't really have any good reason why you would try to get someone to risk losing their job just to publicly state they tried it on with you. That makes no sense. I mean it was years ago, why does this still matter to you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat does "kicking the hornets nest" mean?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Maybe they are telling the truth and you're the one who has the wrong idea about things.If it is the way the way you say it is then doesn't it make sense that they'd lie to protect her if she could get into trouble for it? Makes sense to me.Let it drop, even if people do believe you they don't want you kicking the hornets nest.So just forget about the whole thing and try not to make trouble for this girl just to stroke your own ego (assuming that is the case)
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 When you said she made advances towards you, who did you say this to? Just to her, or were there other people around?
If there were other people around, and if she was in a profession that did not allow the patient to ask the Doctor out, then of course she would deny it.
She could probably lose her job otherwise!
If it was just the two of you, then perhaps it's possible you misread something?
Or maybe she DID make the advances, but then realized that she could get in trouble with her job if she continued, and thus did a complete 180 and denied it?
The situation you describe sounds like it's 100% job related, no matter which way it went.
As to why people lie about the past in general: I think we've all done stuff in the past that we are embarrassed about, or that we wish we could go back in time and change.
Nobody like to admit the mistakes that they've made, especially if it's with regards to a relationship that went bad, or something that we're ashamed of.
I think we lie because we dont' want to be judged as individuals by what we do in our weakest moments.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 June 2011):
Define advances. If she was your doctor and expressely asked you out on a date, yes , she broke a professional code, big mistake. If YOU think she fancied you because she smiled at you or cracked a few jokes or looked at you appreciatively, ... either she was trying to put you more at your ease, or she was simply being human. Doctors too sometimes like what they see, and this is no crime, unless they take it too far.
As for " admitting " their past, we should see first if the person and the occasion warrant the question.
Who and what are you for the other person, for feeling entitled to know everything about her/his past. It all depends.
Most people do not like to be grilled during the first dates, whwther they have done something wrong or not, and don't want to debate or defend their actions with a recent acquaintance.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Possibly because no-one likes to accept any blame when they know they've done the wrong thing. It's always someone else's fault.
There's not much you can do about it.
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