A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I hate when this happens. I am African-American and often, white people or non-blacks tell me I resemble someone who is very unattractive. Today someone told me that I look like Condellezza Rice! That is the worst insult I've ever received.Black people, however; see me differently and tell me that I resemble Stacey Dash (which I would much prefer).First, why do white people think all black women(regardless of how different we look) look a like? And why do they think that they could tell you that you look like someone who is considered so unattractive? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think a lot of you are bent out of shape because of the racial aspect of the question. I didn't say they do it on purpose, it is just an inconsiderate gesture to not at least learn a person's name whom you've been working with for over a year! A lot of black people take offense when you think that most look a like, not just me.
Secondly, you don't know what I look like. I'm not trying to say that I am the most beautiful in the world, you cannot tell someone they are not that beautiful or sexy without first seeing them. Just makes sense.
Why is it insecure when I try to make sense out of this simple question and someone else could complain about being seen as too pale (not that she doesn't have a right to) and everyone is empathetic?
I am not trying to be harsh or judgemental, I said that she is very intelligent and accomplished. There are just certain people that you would prefer not to resemble.
And for the record, I have modeled in NYC, was approached by Ecko clothing line to model (3 years ago) and still do hair modeling. You are the one that's being harsh and judgemental.
BTW, she is over 20 years older than me. When the person said it, said that I look like a much younger version. So, no. She is not around my age.
I didn't post this to be bashed OR stroked. I just wanted some insight as to why people seem to categorize everyone of a certain group together when they obviously look so different. Maybe I should have left race out because that seems to bring out defensiveness and the worst in people.
A reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009):
You take it personally that people don't tell you that you look like the most beautiful women in the world? No offense, but maybe you just aren't as beautiful and sexy as they are, most of us aren't. No one can steal your identity either and it's common to get names mixed up if you have the same hair and skin color. It's not like they are doing it on purpose or some conspiracy to take your identity away. I'm sorry you don't look like the world's top sex symbols and you probably are more realistically a notch below that like 99.9% of the population is!
You get compared to a sophisticated, intelligent and accomplished woman who is around your age and you decide to take that as an insult. Then you insult the woman you are compared to like she's horrific to look at.
It's not like you are going to be dating this woman or care if she finds you attractive or not because it doesn't matter what she thinks.
If I were you, I'd be more concerned with how men think of you in that department, not white women.
Most men aren't going to respond to a post like this because just like they don't like to answer questions like "Do I look fat in this outfit", they aren't going to respond to this level of female drama and insecurity.
I think you need to take a more realistic assessment of yourself and learn to be more comfortable in your own skin. The fact you consider C. Rice so unattractive is kinda harsh and very judgemental about looks so you must be very hard on yourself if you judge by those standards. I think if you looked like those women you mentioned, you'd be on the cover of magazines so anyone telling you that you look like them is probably trying to make you feel better because you seem to need ALOT of reassurance in that area.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think a lot of you are bent out of shape because of the racial aspect of the question. I didn't say they do it on purpose, it is just an inconsiderate gesture to not at least learn a person's name whom you've been working with for over a year! A lot of black people take offense when you think that most look a like, not just me.
Secondly, you don't know what I look like. I'm not trying to say that I am the most beautiful in the world, you cannot tell someone they are not that beautiful or sexy without first seeing them. Just makes sense.
Why is it insecure when I try to make sense out of this simple question and someone else could complain about being seen as too pale (not that she doesn't have a right to) and everyone is empathetic?
I am not trying to be harsh or judgemental, I said that she is very intelligent and accomplished. There are just certain people that you would prefer not to resemble.
And for the record, I have modeled in NYC, was approached by Ecko clothing line to model (3 years ago) and still do hair modeling. You are the one that's being harsh and judgemental.
BTW, she is over 20 years older than me. When the person said it, said that I look like a much younger version. So, no. She is not around my age.
I didn't post this to be bashed OR stroked. I just wanted some insight as to why people seem to categorize everyone of a certain group together when they obviously look so different. Maybe I should have left race out because that seems to bring out defensiveness and the worst in people.
A reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009):
You take it personally that people don't tell you that you look like the most beautiful women in the world? No offense, but maybe you just aren't as beautiful and sexy as they are, most of us aren't. No one can steal your identity either and it's common to get names mixed up if you have the same hair and skin color. It's not like they are doing it on purpose or some conspiracy to take your identity away. I'm sorry you don't look like the world's top sex symbols and you probably are more realistically a notch below that like 99.9% of the population is!
You get compared to a sophisticated, intelligent and accomplished woman who is around your age and you decide to take that as an insult. Then you insult the woman you are compared to like she's horrific to look at.
It's not like you are going to be dating this woman or care if she finds you attractive or not because it doesn't matter what she thinks.
If I were you, I'd be more concerned with how men think of you in that department, not white women.
Most men aren't going to respond to a post like this because just like they don't like to answer questions like "Do I look fat in this outfit", they aren't going to respond to this level of female drama and insecurity.
I think you need to take a more realistic assessment of yourself and learn to be more comfortable in your own skin. The fact you consider C. Rice so unattractive is kinda harsh and very judgemental about looks so you must be very hard on yourself if you judge by those standards. I think if you looked like those women you mentioned, you'd be on the cover of magazines so anyone telling you that you look like them is probably trying to make you feel better because you seem to need ALOT of reassurance in that area.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSatinDesire, what is the problem? I like everyone on this site am bothered by a situation and am seeking advice. So it is counterproductive to tell me to get over it. What is this site for? Advice. I don't have a bad attitude. It is wrong for you to be so rude and harsh when I haven't said or done anything to you personally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, most of your comments were really helpful. I stated race because I don't know how many times that I'm at a job and there maybe two or three other black girls and white people say we look alike or call each other by the other's name. And we look ABSOLUTELY nothing alike. That's really upsetting because it takes away our individuality. Even if someone is 40 lbs heavier, they still get us mixed up. To me that's being inconsiderate.Also, who really wants to hear that they resemble Condellezza Rice? She is very accomplished and I would love to have her intelligence. But a compliment would be Halle Berry, Beyonce or Stacey Dash. Women who are beautiful and sexy.Ladies, would you rather hear that you resemble Roseanne (even though you clearly don't) or Adrianna Lima? That's the difference. I know there are much more important things to worry about, and trust me I am. But that is something that really bothers me. On top of everything else, I hate to hear that someone finds me so unattractive.Notice, no men responded because they understand what is attractive in women.
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reader, babymama99 +, writes (4 June 2009):
 I think that Condoleezza Rice is a very nice looking, educated, professional Black Woman who was at the top of her game. She had a hand in running this country! I would take that as a compliment.Now if someone compared you to Flavor Flav... :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I'm white and I compare white people to other people. I also been told many times"Oh I seen someone who looks like you!"So annoying as you don't know if that person ugly! But your just using the race card and seeing something as rasict when it isn't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I am white and people tell me I look like someone I don't much like the look of either. I have been told I resemble many different people over the years - some better than others!! :-) it can make you wonder. I doubt people are being like this because you are black? I would look at it a different way and think that you are noticeable and people are clearly looking up to you in some way to relate the way you look to someone who is held in such high regard in the public eye. Are you clear and happy on the way you want to be? If you feel undermined by other peoples remarks it could be that you are not sure of yourself - write down your personal character and physical strengths the things you love about yourself, that are sexy and make you feel good. Remind yourself of that and spend some time thinking how you can kick butt to the people that say who you look like by demonstrating your inner confidence. Because actually "you look like you".
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Well first of all, I don't think that Condellezza is ugly and I didn't think that was a well accepted fact. Besides people have different taste and opinions over what is attractive and not. I think she is very classy and pretty. Secondly, I don't think it is a black/white issue. I am a white girl who has been told that I look like Sandra Bullock by the same person who told me she was not cute at all. I don't think it is a race issue I think its an insensitive issue. People are thoughtless sometimes regardless of your race. If it means anything I think Stacy Dash and Condellezza Rice look nothing alike, but I think they are both beautiful in their own way. I have also been compared to actresses who in my eyes, I look nothing like, and who don't resemble eachother but everyone sees something different. I wouldn't take it so personally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I think you are assuming that, due to the bad experiences you have had, that all white people think the way you say. It's not true, that's a big generalisation.
Okay, so you consider some of the people you get told you resemble unattractive. But maybe the people who say this to you think that person is very attractive. Everybody has a different opinion as to what beauty is. And I'm sure that these people are only trying to compliment you, even if it doesn't seem like a compliment to you!
Try just saying thankyou, then change the subject if necessary! x
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reader, happytobe +, writes (4 June 2009):
 It's not subject to specific races. It's not just white people who think this way of black people. Most races, though they can see that they obviously don't all look alike, think that other races all look the same. With the white race hair color, eye color and skin color vary so much that when we look at other people of our race we look to those things to differentiate between each other. But with African Americans those things vary alot less so instead ya'll probably look at specific facial features, eye shape lip shape skin darkness even. When your home and people you are surrounded by most is mainly one race you're programmed to look for certain things in people to help distinguish them. When the things you normally look for don't qualify as well with other races you tend to confuse them. I would also like to point out that not all "white people" think the same way. Just how all African Americans don't think the same way, all Asians or Oriental or Indian or Native American or any other race of people think the same way. We're all individuals with different opinions and ways of thinking. Just like in some opinions Condellezza Rice isn't ugly. You can't assume someone was insulting you, to that person she could be beautiful. We'll never be able to end racism if we don't stop generalizing people by their race.
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