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Why do people stay with someone they don't love?

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Question - (22 September 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 September 2007)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

just a quick question. Why do people stay with some if they are not in love with them? I have a female friend who lives with her partner but wont leave him even though she doesnt love him and a male friend who lives with his girlfriend of 12 years and has 2 kids with her aged 9 and 2 but has said he never loved her. Yet he had a woman on the side for 5 years whom he said he did love but wouldnt leave his girlfriend to be with her. i dont understand these situations, are they afraid of being hurt, protecting themselves excessivley? or just not capable of loving someone fully? any ideas? it confuses me why some one would avoid love.

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A female reader, leanne.od United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2007):

leanne.od agony auntthe fear of the unknown. if you get used to something, you are afraid to give it up incase you don't like the outcome. having children always adds to the "i can't leave" speach because you feel obliged to give them a normal, conventional upbringing.

people don't like to hurt each other and although you're in a loveless relationship you feel like you have to stay to live up to the expectations you had at the beginning.

whther it's right or just cruel, that's the way people's minds work.

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A female reader, Butterflyfly United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2007):

Butterflyfly agony auntrhythmandblues i love your answer. it's stunning and so true.

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A female reader, justice_10 United States +, writes (23 September 2007):

some people believe that love is just a trick that nature plays on you but as for your friends their non commiters they cant commit which means your guy friend's girlfriend might have something the other woman doesnt as but your girl friend is just a playa

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007):

I think often it is a case of being confused about what love is and is not....Some people like the girl who is with a man for 12 years and claims she doesn't love him probably wouldn't know love if it hit her in the face.

Love is about sacrifice and commitment, and being a loving person, someone worthy of love, to put ones partner above oneself most of the time....so maybe these people are demonstrating love, but short change themselves into thinking that because their relationships are secure and comfortable without that adrenaline rush of love that comes to new relationships, tell themselves that they are not in love.

Love is not a feeling. It is a choice one makes to be loving towards another human being and make them your first priority...of course it is born out of loving feelings for that person, and those feelings are manifest from the decision that one makes, one falls in love because of emotions and then rationalizes it with thought and action, and that is where true love begins.

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