A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do a lot of married people give up their friends? I'm in my mid twenties, and I'm married as well. I've lost quite a few friends since they got married, and I don't understand why. I think part of the problem could be that most of my friends were guys, so maybe their wives didn't feel comfortable with them keeping in contact with me. Although, I thought that would change when I tried to get to know them better to show them they could trust their husbands around me. It didn't work, and now I'm completely friendless. I also don't really have family of my own, just my mom and my husband's family. I get so lonely sometimes, and think there must be something wrong with me for all my friends to just abandon me like they have. It's not like they are busy all the time, either. A couple of them are unemployed. I've tried to talk to them, but they won't be honest with me. They just say they are busy, or use some other lame excuse. And now they won't even respond to my texts or phone calls. It hurts so much, because I've known these people for years. I am also finding it difficult to make new friends. It's like people just aren't interested. They will talk to me at work, but when I ask if they wanna hang out, they seem to get uncomfortable. They avoid giving me a direct answer. I guess my main question is for all the married people out there, why do you give up people you have been friends with for years?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): To answer your question. It is the ussual story. It's not that we lost our friends we just started to spend much less time with them. Also, I didn't particulary liked my husband's friend, so we cut time with him to almost 0. I found him repulsive, it was that bad.My husband couldn't stand one of my girlfriends, he thought she looked like a hooker with her big boobs and blond hair, and the the way she dressed and acted, so I started see her may be 4 times a year, instead of every month.When kids were born, we almost stopped seeing our friends who didn't have kids. Because we would rather hang out with parents like us, so our children could play while we have dinner.It is sad that your friends completely lost touch with you, but then now you know what kind of friends they were.friendships like everything change.
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 I have been involved with a woman in recent months and I must say that it seems I have no time for my friends. I spend 3 nights a week with my woman and in the 4 nights off I am not inclined to be in any situation that would suggest I am still looking. I also can spend all of my spare time catching up with matters that I had plenty of time to deal with previously. I am desperate to see some of my friends but need to catch up with stuff I could do every day. I saw my mate Col tonight so it still works to some extent.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (23 September 2012):
 I think generally speaking, people get busier when they are married or with children, so its difficult for them to maintain constant contact and remember people define friendship differently.
Some people are happy to speak once a week, and others everyday but i think it generally comes down to life style.
Being married should not stop friendship but understand if people act in this manner, and let it go.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (23 September 2012):
 Also, people sometimes will not give you a direct answer when you ask them to do things because they would like to do things, but they simply do not have the time. I have a good girlfriend who is also a co-worker. We are always talking about doing things and WANT to do things, but she has 3 children and a husband. All of the children are young and involved in lots of activities. When she gets off work, she races around taking them from activity to activity until her husband gets home. Then, there is usually one of the activities where they have a game, a meet, an event etc. They go home and she has laundry to do, food to cook, baths to take, etc. And that is not to mention upkeep on their home, yardwork, and the fact her husband is awesome and helps her with all of it. I live by myself, but it is enough for me to work 40+ hours a week and get all of my work done around the house. So, give your friends a break and try to get some outside interests.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (23 September 2012):
Do you have a full-time job? Let's face it, in today's day and age there is not much time for friends. By the time I get home from working everyday, there is barely energy left for my boyfriend.
What your friends have done is nothing personal, it is just what happens when people start their own families. The extra time they have naturally goes to their spouse, their home, their hobbies, their pets, their parents, and children if/when children come along. This happens to everyone not just you, and it always tends to hit hardest when you're in your 20's and early 30's.
I understand you are lonely, but if you are that lonely, I think you need to take a look at what is going on in your life. Do you have hobbies and interests outside of your friends? Do you investigate new things/groups/organizations you could be a part of to meet new people? Do you plan things with your spouse you can look forward to? Do you exercise when you have the time? If you want to do things with friends, do you try to make plans with them once a month? I have two good friends I still do things with. We plan to have dinner at least once a month somewhere. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but at least we try.
In fact, I had two friends ask me last week to just come over to their homes. I told them both I was too exhausted from work and needed some down time FOR ME. This is just life and it is nothing personal.
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