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Why do men walk out on their families, and essentially erase them from their lives?

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Question - (27 January 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, *cmh writes:

Why do men walk out on their families, no warning, institute zero communication, zero financial support, etc. Blame the wife, even though they have been the unfaithful one and rarely ever sees the children, one day out of the blue daddy just didn't live with us anymore, he won't see or speak to me at all, not even email.

He never told me he didn't love me, wanted a divorce, nothing at all, in fact he told me he DID love me.

Then in an instant our family is shattered and he ran off and hid in his new bachelor pad, left us alone to dig out of the rubble that was our lives, me and the 3 kids.

He simply erased us, all of us, and it was all my fault? I deserved it? Had it coming?

Why did he lead me to believe such a lie? He loved me, the kids, nothing was more important to him than his family, and now we don't even exsist. He saw our 11 yr. old for the first time since Jan. 8th yesterday, from 3:00 to 8:00, called him for the first time since the 8th the night before.


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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013):

well recently I had the exact same thing happen to me

I have never been unfaithful, and did everything for this bloke who for no reason walked out on us, he left me with 3 young children and nearly kicked me out of the house I'm living in.

My time is limited in this house in which I might add I contributed to, but have no say in it as it is in his mother's name.

I had to literally beg him to not kick me out, and as for him taking responsibility for the children I cannot do anthing as this would destroy any future my kids have if he kicks me out.

I can't afford to live here, the rent's are too high, and I can't move back home.

He says he loves me but he isn't in love with me, after 11 and a half years with this person I thought I knew him but I don't.

It has been tough the whole separation and I still have a longing for him to call me but I know it wont happen, I know I have to move on but it is so hard when this person was my life and a big part of this family, it's hard when the kids say when is he coming home and I have to say he isn't, this is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life I wish I was just dreaming.

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A male reader, mlook United Kingdom +, writes (5 July 2012):

Sorry i carnt answer why any one male or female whould walk out on there kids but why they would walk out on there other half can be quite simple even if not clear as to the time scale, At this very moment i am trying to find out where i stand if i leave my partner of allmost 7 years but TAKE BOTH KIDS with me (oldest is 4 year old and other 7 months) we bue to have another in 4 month that was not ever planed this int helpin us but come the day ill gladly have this one under my wing aswell (my kids i'll do my best)back to the question i love my kids and my partner but that is not enough i allways give in to her demands when im saying no because (1) we dont have the money for one/it, (2) in 6 weeks to 6 month we will be giveing it away, she went out with her cousin in the first few years of our relation ship and got off? with some one she told me about it and i basicly tried to ignore the fact so a few weeks later she did it againe thinkin i dont care but as i do i went mad and since she aint done it, that is over 6 years ago i carnt forget about it and when ever we have a minor fall out as soon as she says i dont care so might as well go what do i think about? there is loads of help out there for mums who have left the dads and took the kids but nothing for dads who have took the kids so im stuck for the time being if i could bring myself to doit id walk out on all of them sort my life out then take the kids i would not be able to talk to the kids in the meantime because when mum starts crying id give in for the peace and convenence so that may well be why he took off but for different reasons a few on my list i gave in to are (A) dont like the house so we moved (i dont like here see knew before we moved in!) (B)more kids (C) wontin a cat (D) wontin a dog, 3 times this one 5 weeks still got the 3rd (E)wontin to go or not somewhere every week (F) them friggin soaps!,

ok some more drastic than others but they all add up i tidy all the cloths up any on floor put in the wash pile 4 hours im tidyin up the kichen and after shemoans because carnt find the clean baby grow that was on the table! why do any of us bother? i could have done this better but mood im in is not good and i need to get back t lookin fo help and advice hope you got your life sorted out x

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A female reader, kcmh United States +, writes (28 January 2010):

kcmh is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks, everyone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010):

We can't tell you why. But there is a type of person (male/female) out there, who can't handle the demands of building a life with the wife and kids. They fake it for a few years and then bail. So I would say, that his self-involved feelings about what only 'he' wanted' took over. I know it's been probably been tough for you, but you are well rid of this weak uncaring man because in my books, the act of abandonment wasn't love. His choice to run away, reflects who he truely is, his identity. If he was a good man, he'd be there beside you, now..being a husband and father. To most men, family means children and that means more committment and obligations. And even had you both had marriage problems, couples all over the place, go through these same difficulties and they pull through the toughest of times. So why is he different? Why would he just throw his hands in the air, and leave? Without talking from his heart, without communicating from the depths of his soul to the woman he loves, without trying his best, without finding a way to keep his family together? I would guess, he doesn't really understand what that word 'committment', and being a strong father/husband really means.

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (28 January 2010):

RAINORFIRE agony auntWOW most men are like that i guess you kno most men anonymous poster.

I dont kno why he did this but if your married to this guy and have chilldren with him he still has responsibilities, try talking to him if that doesnt work take his ass to court.

Maybe he lost his job or did something horrible like murder somebody i dont kno but you need to be sure you get his child support check.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010):

probably he's having some kind of midlife crisis situation going on and wants relive his youth or something.

well, most men are like that and will stay like that. they aren't capable of taking responsibility for anyone other themselves.

you just have to find a way to live on without him and to be there for your children. don't think he'll be coming back because it won't happen.

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