A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 21 years old, i have a boyfriend of four years and a little boy who is 2, we dont have a complete happy relationship but we do love eachother and he wants to be with me forever. before i met him i was very heart broken, i use date a boy who was a few years older than me, he was my first kiss and first love, i would of done anything for him eventhough i knew i was never going to be good enough for him and he was always sleeping with other girls eventhough he said he loved me, things ended with him and i got on with my life and met my current boyfriend, but eventhough i love my current boyfriend, i still cant erase my ex from my heart, when i bump into him in places, i go all weak and shakey, and it brings emotions back of how he broke my heart. my ex has a new girlfriend too, but i heard hes not loyal to her. i keep having dreams of him most nights and everytime i dream of him it makes me feel something for him again, is that weird? in my dreams hes holding me tight and kissing me, but ends up leaving me in tears and the dream keeps happening. its starting to get on my nerves because i want to erase and forget everything about him but i cant seem too. i actually hate what pain he put me through and now im worried thinking what if i still love him? and if i do love him i dont know why i would as all he did was use me and put me down. hes also affected my trust issues on men. i just want some advice on the dreams i keep having and why am i dreaming of him. i never really thought about him until i started having these dreams.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 The first thing that jumped out at me was “i knew i was never going to be good enough for him”
STOP IT. Who in the world said you were never going to be good enough for a man who lied ot you and cheated on you? WHERE did you get the idea that YOU weren’t GOOD ENOUGH? That’s your first issue. YOU have this lying cheating guy on a pedestal that until he topples off of it you will never stop the idol worship.
You go all weak and shaky because you still think he’s God’s gift. Can you not see what a louse he is? He lied to you, he cheated on you and yet you still think YOUR not good enough or him when the truth is as a liar and a cheater he’s NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!
HATE is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. UNTIL you don’t CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER about him, he will haunt your dreams. Dreams are our brains’ way of working out things that happen in our waking hours.
If you can’t figure out how to work through the relationship and your self-loathing because of it, then I strongly suggest a bit of counseling to help you figure out how to let him go.
A
male
reader, Here2HelpU +, writes (2 April 2013):
Look its as simple as this, YOU CANT HELP WHAT YOU DREAM OF, its not your fault at all. Its a dream, dreams are not real and they mean nothing. I know it is hard but just do your very hardest to simply block your ex out of your thoughts.He sounded like an absolute idiot who goes around portraying the people that care about him.But back to the point of the dreaming. Look if it does happen again, don't dwell on it, just get straight up out of bed and block the thoughts out whilst carrying on with your morning. Dont ask yourself questions about 'oh why do I have these dreams'.Its possible that what you are experiencing is just a phase. In time it will stop.
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