A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do I find myself obsessing over the things I say and do in social situations? It has really become a hindrance to me, almost uncontrollable; every time I think back on something 'stupid' I've said or done (which is quite a long list, and the list grows everyday), it pains me so much - it feels as though my stomach is sinking, it makes me nauseous. I dread major social contact.I have a good job, I work with good people, and I make it through the day okay, but if I allow myself to think back for even a second, I begin to obsess and my self-esteem just plummets. I have a boyfriend, and I have a great friend, but these people are all I have and have had for years and I really feel that I just can't relate to anyone else, not even my family. I don't know what to say or do in social situations. I avoid them if I can. People seem to like me, at least at first impression, but I know they find me boring soon thereafter because I just have nothing to say. :( Or they find me awkward, I'm not sure which. I've had 'acquaintances' (other girls) exchange numbers with me, and want to get together, but I truly do feel a sense of fear about spending time with someone one-on-one that just mounts and mounts, and I will usually just never call, or, if they call, never pick up. It's not because I don't want to spend time with them - in fact, I truly do, I would love to have more friends. It's just, what do I do? What do I say? There's a lot going on in my life - I graduated from college with my Bachelors, just started my career, just got my first apartment, just joined a gym and am working on my self-image, and I'm planning on starting my own business. Why is it so impossible for me to relate to people???An 'acquaintance' of mine just called because she had broken up with her boyfriend of two years, whom she'd had a baby with... I feel so awful for her. I really listened and tried to uplift her, but the phone conversation was mostly awkward silence and it was less than 10 minutes before she 'was tired' and had to hang up... Really? :( Obviously I'm doing something horribly wrong...... What is wrong with me?? :(We made plans to hang out Friday, but just thinking about it is making me sick :(There are some days that I just want to stay in bed and never leave... I force myself to... I know life goes on... That's how I get by... I just want to get RID of these thoughts and actually be NORMAL... :(
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (7 October 2011):
It sounds like you may be experiencing social anxiety. I recommend seeing a counselor who specializes in helping people with this disorder. They can provide you with talk therapy, tips on how to communicate effectively with others, and cognitive behavioral therapy to help lessen your anxiety about social situations. This try of therapy can also help you not dwell on the past.
Finally, i've realized over time that almost no one ever remembers something i did or said that made me feel absolutely mortified in a social situation.
Honestly, the number of 'friends' you have means nothing, it is the depth of the relationships that counts. You are blessed to have a true friend and a boyfriend who love and care about you
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 There is nothing wrong with you and am sure you can relate to people, what the problem here is, is that you have no confidence or belief in yourself at all. You think about the small things and it makes you panic about what you have said and you feel like what you do and say is silly. The more that you think about this the more you are going to scare yourself in to having conversations with people. There is nothing wrong with you, you are just shy. But you need to gain some confidence and just put yourself out there. Stop judging yourself the way that you are. You need to pull yourself out of this downward spiral and get out and enjoy yourself. Maybe you are suffering from anxiety or depression. If you feel that this is the case well then maybe you should go and speak to a doctor or else a counsellor.
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