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Why do I feel embarrassed that I enjoyed anal sex?

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Question - (28 January 2022) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2022)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I tried anal sex with my husband for the first time the other morning and actually quite enjoyed it. But every time I think of it I cringe inside and I don’t know why. I just feel really embarrassed. My husband has only mentioned it once and that was straight after asking if I liked it. I said yes and couldn’t believe how much of a turn on it actually was, as I was more just doing it for his benefit.

The thing is we’ve always had a kinky and adventurous sex life as it is and have tried all sorts in the 5 years we’ve been together. We could re-write the Karma Sutra in all honesty and just find new ways to satisfy each other. We’re both 40 but still have really high sex drives, probably because we don’t have kids (Or ever plan to). Just a few weeks ago we ended up doing it on the kitchen table whilst our tea was cooking! Sorry, probably a bit too much info lol…

Last Saturday morning we both woke up feeling as frisky as ever and as we were doing it he started rubbing my bum-hole with his finger. On a complete whim I asked if he wanted to do anal, which of course I knew full well what the answer would be. He had suggested it a few times over the years but I’d always thought it would be nothing but a painful so said no. I guess I was curious this time and let him do it. Like I said it felt quite nice, especially when he played with my clit at the same time and I actually felt pretty satisfied afterwards.

I don’t get why I feel so embarrassed about it now though. Nothing went wrong in that department if you get my drift and like I said my husband hasn’t mentioned it all. It’s genuinely the first sexual thing I’ve ever felt embarrassed about in my whole life. Even something like giving my husband oral in the shower never phases me. Maybe it’s because there’s a whole taboo amongst women about anal?

View related questions: anal sex, sex drive, sex life

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (28 January 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntNobody can know why you feel embarrassed about anal sex. Perhaps because you were meant to not like it? Guessing because obviously I don't know. We're all different and what turns on one person may leave another completely cold. Each to their own.

I have a friend who, after giving birth to 4 (rather large) children, says she enjoys anal much more than vaginal sex, because she feels a lot more that way.

All I would say is be careful that you keep anal and vaginal contact separate. Bacteria which live happily in the anal canal can cause havoc if transferred to the vagina.

That aside, enjoy.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 January 2022):

Honeypie agony aunt"Maybe it’s because there’s a whole taboo amongst women about anal?"

I think there is a bigger taboo amongst men than women.

But I digress.

Why do you feel embarrassed? Hard to guess, OP Perhaps because it is taboo, perhaps because generally it's kinda dirty and gross (unless you use condoms). And maybe because you presumed that you wouldn't or shouldn't enjoy it, but you did? Maybe because it's something totally unexplored?

Different folks, different strokes.

If you enjoyed it and weren't pressured into trying there is nothing wrong with that. If you enjoyed it and never want to do it again, that is fine too. If you enjoyed it and want to do it again, again fine too. Do whatever YOU and your husband are OK with.

You do you.

I will say this, if you can DO these things with your partner, you should be able to talk to your partner about them. Right?

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