A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi im a 19y.o male. I have a question that may seem odd, but this has been on my mind for a while. to quote "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" why do i fall in love with every woman who shows me the LEAST bit attention? I find this happening quite a lot. Is this normal? I feel this may be because ive never been in a serious relationship and like to think there is something MORE than what actually is. Anyone else feel like this too? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Well, I was a female version of you some years back. Can you actually tell what is common among these girls aside from not reciprocating your feelings?
For example, maybe they are out of your league. In my case, they were these super gorgeous guys who are popular in school and were everyone's dream guy. And I am just an ordinary high school girl. So what do you expect? Ofcourse, why would they even look at me when all the better looking girls are there? That could be one reason.
Or maybe, since you like them, your behavior when they are around is of a nervous guy who would do anything to please them, chase them around and call them every second. This is a turn-off to I would say, most of the girls. Girls don't want a desperate guy no matter how popular or good looking he is. Ironicaly, girls would also want guys who are hard to get. So just be yourself all the time.
There are a lot of reasons out there but these 2 for me are no. 1 and 2 respectively. And sometimes it just happens, that you are just one unlucky guy.
Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I think you are probably falling in 'like' with them really. And experiencing crushes. That's perfectly normal but it can be confusing to talk of love when it isn't the real thing. Real love doesn't happen that regularly. It is a deep abiding sensation that might only ever happen once in your lifetime and tie you to that one person for the rest of your life. When girls hear you talk of love, they think of the deep abiding stuff. So it is confusing when a few weeks later, you are talking like that about someone else! If you do ever find real love, you will know the difference straight away because you will be thinking...you have never felt this way about another girl before. When that happens...it is true love.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Because attention makes us feel good.
How about coming up with standards for yourself that retrain your brain to what a real potential relationship is and what mere flirting is?
Flirting is excercise for the brain. No harm done. People do it all the time in a non committal way.
Assume that when you are given attention, it is merely to make you smile and feel nice. It is not a relationship.
What you have are crushes:)
YOu will figure it out more in time with experience. Date and have FUN:)
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A
male
reader, goalstopper +, writes (14 June 2011):
I do that alot as well. But you just have to live life.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (14 June 2011):
 This is normal but it's not healthy. I advise you slow down and make yourself happy without wanting someone in your life. Perhaps because you are lonely?
It sounds like you have low confidence. Try building on that and see if there is a difference on how you feel.
Good Luck!
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