A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 2 yrs broke up with me late april... after we took some time apart in late march so he can make a decision ..if he was able to stay with me and try to forget my past which really bothered him... he would put me down so much and call me a cheater all the time and other bad names. Bcuz I had cheated on my husband 8yrs ago.. ex bf was one of the ppl I had cheated on my ex husband with.. my ex bf knew about my past cuz we were friends while I was married and confided that info with him... so when my bf broke up with me I understood his reasons and I did not contact him.. hoping he will realized he loved me enough not to let our beautiful relationship go... We fell in love in all ways possible he would let every stranger know how much he loved me so our break up was hard on me... ok so he started gettn a hold of me once in a while lettn me know how much he loved me and misses me and he kind of was givn me hopes to reconcile... he would tell me not to date or kiss or have sex with anyone cuz he just needed some time and take us slow again.. after I realize nothing was happening but sex only 3 times n the 2 mths apart I got tierd of him not makn effort to get back 2gether I was just hurting evrytime he txt me and then not hear frm him n days at a time.. so I changed my # twice started goin out.. and I told him the reasons y I did... recently I found out he has been dating another girl for 2 mths.. on that same day hrs bfore finding out bout the other girl he txts me that he really loves me and misses me... when I confronted him he would totally avoid an answr and just said he dosent know wht am talkn about and said there's nothing to say... I don't get it y would he b lookn for me so much if he has someone else?? Do I even have a reason to want an explanation??? Since we weren't together???? And is it my fault he met someonelse since am the one who pushed him to take time off to decide if he can accept my past??? Do u think he had the need to look for someone else cuz he might of been affraid I would cheat on him? Pls help am so heart broken and hurt he did this to me.. y didn't he just leave me alone when I was tryng to get over him...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Wait a minute, he did not look for you "so much ". You had sex 3 times in two months, that's what the extent of his love boils down.
Why did he do that ? Because lots and lots of people like having an "option " , a plan B. Someone who is compliant and readily available "just in case ". It's convenient and it's an ego boost, and if the woman is an ex who 's still keen on you, you can get your needs met without having to make the effort to pursue or romance her.
Of course you can't tell her " I have moved on but I like to know I can have you at my beck and call "- so instead you tell her " I love you, I miss you but... I am thinking... I am deciding..." etc.etc.
It's one of the oldest trick in the book, and also one of the easiest to fend off, it would be enough to say : cool,think all you want, but
no sex until you have made up your mind.
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