A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK....so a bit of background, I have been with my partner for just over 2 years now...we got together at the end of falling out of his marriage...Since then they have been relatively amicable as they had dogs together and are both animal lovers so see the dogs as their children. She now has a baby and a partner who sound like they are happy together.Originally, they were going to get divorced a few months after spliting with the grounds that he cheated (they actually both had)....that failed as she got pregnant and then never wanted to take it any further...so they then agreed they would separate after 2 years so neither had to put any reason down for the separation....2 years was in September and as this stage she said she would complete the paperwork and was ok to get a divorce...3 months down the line and she still hasn't filled in or done anything and is now waiting to get documents back from her name change....she also now knows that I want to get married and has said to 'be patient' it will get done when it's done....He doesn't want to go through court for fear that she will take him for half of what he has. As she never paid for anything I can't see how she could gain on us, but would have thought I should be worth more than that....I just don't understand why she is being this way and also my other thoughts are maybe he doesn't want it to go through or something and is not being open with me, I don't know her so I don't know her perception etc and if she is acting how he says.Further when I tell him I think her attitude to this is immature and childish, he says that 'maybe she doesn't realise'....which I think is bullsh*tHappy to hear anyone's take on this! It's really stressing me out and making me question staying with him
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments everyone :), I will try and talk to him about it because like you Chalice I don't really like the idea of being in a relationship with someone that is married as it doesn't seem right, thing is i love him so much so would have been hard to leave....i guess if i knew it wasnt going to happen or take this long I never would have got involved. I just don't understand why she wouldn't be happy in her new life when she has her own family now! Maybe like others say he isn't too bothered about it because knows it's over....thing is I really do want to get married one day so I need to resolve it and know where I stand
Dark Heart....really sorry to hear that happened to your mum, some guys really are idiots!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): I know people who haven't divorced after years apart, when both have moved on and are happy. They haven't wanted to re-marry so have never got round to the actual paperwork
If money isnt an issue then theres no rush really, if she's got a baby with a new man then she's more reason to want to re-marry soon, than your boyfriend.
If you stop mentioning it like its a big deal then the Ex has no hold over either of you-if thats her idea behind the stalling
I do understand you wanting it over officially but it could be your boyfriend already sees it as well and truly over and so doesn't get the need to rush the divorce same as you do.
Talk.
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A
female
reader, *problems* +, writes (16 November 2011):
 You have to tell him if he is serious about your relationship he has to cut the marital ties with his ex! she must know she is dragging it on ab bit and probo knows its because you want to marry! Have a talk with your partner and tell him to nip it in the bud, hes with you now and you want your man to be your and not still tied to his ex! She has to let go :/ hope this has helped...x
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): I see the Ex as being controlling. If she REALLY wanted to divorce and have closure, it would have been done months ago. I think she secretly doesn't want to let go of your BF.Because if I was so in love with someone and having a baby and a new life; I would JUMP at filing said papers so I could shut out your BF and move on with my happy, loving family.I say this because that is the predictament I am in. My Ex is controling and blocks the divorce by making custody/access issues which the Judge wants resolved BEFORE granting a divorce.The EXs motive is to deny me a lawful marriage because its no big deal to him and his GF/Common Law but it is to me because I believe in living honestly and Marriage is a sacred blessing I want with the Man I love.Control. You have the gut instinct to know some BS is going on.And who cares about money? Is BF really that financially motivated?I say head to couples counseling to get to the bottom of it all. This way you can be heard and validated and have some closure of your own.
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