A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:well i'm a bisexual girl very much in love with my boyfriend but i'm having severe sexual problems. we been together for over 2 years and only had sex about 5 times. he is frustrated, i am frustrated. i only had sex with one other guy before my boyfriend and it was only once and i hated it. and i love my boyfriend to death but i don't like sex at all. it doesn't feel good, and it makes me nervous, and i feel disgusting and dirty afterwards like i'm doing something wrong. (no i was never molested or raped) it's not like i'm a lesbian (which is what i thought after i had sex with the first guy) because my boyfriend gets me off other ways and everything else he does is amazing, and i don't feel disgusted or anything. only with ACTUAL sex. but the thing is... i had sex with this girl when i was in high school, and it was such a totally different experience. not saying it was better than my boyfriend, but it was intense enough for me to still be thinking of it. i can't talk to my boyfriend about these things because it will hurt him a lot and i love him too much to hurt him. i honestly see myself marrying him and being very happy. i really just want to get past all this and be able to have sex with him! also i know i've always been more attracted to girls than to guys, but in all fairness when i was in a relationship with a girl for more than a year, i fantasized a lot more about men. i guess i want what i can't have? but what about this fear of sex i have? i am turning 25 in like 4 months and it is just out of hand by this point i am too old to be having these feelings.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): thank you guys. i've been thinking about going to see someone, and try to work this out. as for the 2nd replier... i have had sex with another man but only once and it hurt too much to know if i enjoyed it or not.
and to respond to the person right below me, i was raised in a very catholic household and was constantly told that only sinners have sex before marriage, and it's dirty to have sex if you don't want children... i haven't thought that stuff affected me, but hey you never know maybe it stuck around somewhere.
my boyfriend does know how i feel about sex. he is a good man for staying with me for this long without having sex. he also knows i had sex with a girl. only thing i never told him was how good it was because honestly, that's just not something you want to hear from the person you love. AND to the 2nd replier there is a lot of chemistry between me and my bf, it's just when it comes to the actual sex (not oral or anything else, and if must get graphic i enjoy giving him oral therefor i can't be fully a lesbian) i get scared and weird.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 I agree you need to talk to someone. You may think there is nothing in your life that could have caused this but there could be a deep underlying reason, rejection by a male figure, fear of losing a male figure, being told sex is dirty as a young child, all sorts of things that could have happened in your childhood to make you feel this way, but obvioulsy a trained professionsal will know the right questions to ask.
The other answer could be that you are not bi you are in fact a lesbian first and foremost as it does seem to be the penetrative part of sex you find disgusting for some reason.
The only way to resolve these issues is to get help as until you know what the reason is you cant begin to fix it. I wish you luck x
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Hi,
just something I think needs to be cleared up here.
Have you enjoyed sex with another man before or is this your first male partner. I think this is important as it could mean you just dont have the sexual chemistry with your current partner. The flip side being you may not be as bi-sexual as you think you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): The only way past is to discuss it with him. Maybe you are bisexual, maybe you aren't.
One way or another, something caused this hang-up over sex (whether it was the intenseness and passion of your brief sapphic foray I can't say) and sitting there and bitching will do nothing but make it worse.
So go and see a shrink if you feel the need to and you can both try and work on the problem until the cause and solution become apparent.
You seem like a nice (if somewhat confused) lady. So I wish you all the best and hope you can sort things out for the better soon.
Flynn 24
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