A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why are men so daft. A very old ex, from school, has just got in touch with me on facebook chat, asking me did i remember him and his friend, did i remember going out with him lol. He only split with his girlfriend a few days back, so i have an idea what he is trying to do, but i don't want any part in it. He was a nice lad and he insists he still is, i wouldnt know, not seen him for years. Anyway, how can i let him down gently. I don't need to i don't suppose, but he wants to go for a drink, as mates! Deary me, as if my life wasn't difficult enough.Thanks for any advice forthcoming.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Right, ok, i wasn't having a big opinion of myself, nor was i being vindictive and gloating. I am not that sort of person.. I say he is an old ex, because we went out at school and it wasn't an actual proper relationship cos we only ever saw each other at school. And it sort of fizzled out when we left as we were heading in different directions. There was no terrible split.
I added him about 2 years ago on facebook, cos all my old friends regardless whether i had spoken to them for ages, were adding me and each other and it is a way of keeping in touch. So he had been a facebook friend and has only just chosen today to get in touch.
I know nothing about him and ok we can catch up if we want, but i want to know how i can say yes i will go for a drink but for him not to expect anything. When it comes to letting people down, i don't like doing it, i don't mean to drag it out but i am a dope when it comes to things like that. I know it is better to do it at the outset.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Hmmm, If he's on facebook chat he's clearly one of your 'friends'.... A friend wanting to go for a drink as mates? I'm failing to see the problem here. It sounds feasible that you may have a male friend who could do with a bit of pressure-free company from a female FRIEND with whom he can relate.
It sounds as if there could be something missing from the question in terms of what has been said, the exact history and/or your circumstances (why is life so difficult?)
Also what are his circumstances? I had two very controlling exes and when we parted company I was very keen to catch up with as many friends as I could as I had been rather isolated for a number of years.
As you say if you don't need to let him down why bother? if you assume he's trying to get together with you and take that line you'll just come across as having rather a high opinion of yourself.
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A
male
reader, Azza +, writes (15 January 2011):
Aha I know where you are going. Just tell him you're too busy/ not interested or simply meet him for a drink and if he advances then make it clear to him that it's not happening. You said it's been awhile since you knew him and have no idea what he is like now. I don't think you owe him anything.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 how about just saying no thanks? Then hope he's doing ok?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): You are gloating.I don't know how you broke up with this "very old ex" and I don't know how it ended between you two, but it sounds like he dumped you and you are still resentful and bitter. He on the otherhand is being open, articulate, and willing to take emotional risks even if it means he is groveling in front of an ex. Sounds a lot braver than sitting back and sneering.If you do care about him at all, don't be vindictive and patronizing by taking the opportunity just to sneer at him. If you don't care about him, don't waste of your time and his. I doubt you would enquire at DearCupid if you didn't care about him on some level. Please choose this opportunity to brave and mature.
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