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I'm 57 and husband left me for another woman, how do I start over at this age?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 June 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 4 July 2014)
A female United States age , *uella writes:

My husband left me and said the reason was he didn't love me anymore,but in my heart I knew he had found someone else even though he said different.Our 11 year old told me she thought it was a woman from a softball team and that he alway's sits with her and watches her kid play ball.He had taken our child with him to her games,so I looked into it and caught him in her apt.after he had already left me.When I kept digging I found out he's been seeing her while we were married for 2 years.He was all about our daughters softball and they were inseparable now he has quit doing ball with her and does it with the other womans daughter,she is so hurt and cries all the time and so do I.I have lost 30 pds and started taking antidepressants.When I confronted him he just said for me to leave him the FK alone.He has seen our daughter 3 times since he left.I am so embarrassed it seems like everyone on my daughters team knew but me.How could he do this to us?There is no alimony in TX and I don't have the money to hire an attorney.I'm 57 years old and he is younger than me. How do I start over at this age?

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A female reader, suella United States +, writes (4 July 2014):

suella is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Here's my update,I believe there is trouble between my husband and this woman,I had a good day when hearing this news,but I'm still hurting over things he has said to me,they won't leave my head.

He said he didn't love me anymore and leave him the f*** alone we are done,we are no more.

I haven't been anywhere I just work and take care of the kids he hasn't seen in a month,I texted him to see if my older one could stay with him this July 4th weekend and he said no Im going out of town that his first free weekend would be the 18th,I just said okay.He's not a good man or husband but I feel so bad inside,so rejected.Why did he just stop loving me?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 June 2014):

Honeypie agony auntAuntie Eyeswideopen posted good advice.

If your state is NOT a no-fault state you CAN sue HER and HIM for alienation of affection as reasons for the divorce.

I would look for a pro-bono lawyer dealing with divorce - if you can't find one then find one and ASK as part of the decree that your husband pays the fees (quite often done that way too)

FILE for divorce. Once you FILE you can file for child support. Him just moving out, sorta... means you have absolutely no right to child support and he can (to a point) ignore you and your daughter financially.

The home you live in, is that a rental? Or were/are you and your husband paying mortgage or own it? If so, if you CAN NOT afford taking over the rent/mortgage I would look for a smaller place for you and your daughter that YOU can afford.

WHILE the divorce is ONGOING you CAN ask for financial support aka alimony. That even goes for Texas.

If you are not working, NOW is the time to get out there and find something that can put food on the table.

I'm sorry you even have to deal with this crap. Your husband is a coward.

As for your daughter. MAKE sure you don't talk smack about him (even if he is a douche-canoe) and make SURE she understands that SHE didn't DO anything wrong. My guess is he is staying away from HER because he feels guilty.

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A female reader, bet105 United States +, writes (30 June 2014):

Honey, It is never too late to start over, let his ass go . In fact give it a swift kick. Join a church social, or the local VFW. Go out and meet people, you do not have to be on the prowl, but let it be known that you are going to go on living even if he chose to leave.

Just like the old song "I Will Survive." Sure your heart is broken, but don't let him see it. When he sees you are out and about , he will wonder what he has given up. Make him wonder. Then he is in your ballpark!

Wish you the best.

Been there , done that!

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A female reader, suella United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

suella is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks everyone for the comments,he is still sneaking around with her,he got an apt just for storage and she picks him up and takes him to her apt,I wish I had got a pic when I caught him the first time.They have both taken off their facebook because I was getting information.He still has no contact with our child and is taking care of hers instead.I can't understand how he could just forget about her like this.I hope one day he gets hurt like he hurt us.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

eyeswideopen agony auntYou need to check into all your options so start your research. But the fact that you have an underage child is key, he will at least have to provide for her. Lawyers often offer free consultations so check into that. In my state a wife was able to sue the other woman for alienation of affection and won big bucks. Just get busy finding all your options so you can at least get as much out of the son of a bitch as possible. It won't help with the pain he caused you but at least you won't be the only one to suffer. You can do it for your daughter's sake. Chin up sweetheart, remember you are the one who behaved like a class act and he is the one who behaved like an asshole.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2014):

I know you're going to say at 39 is very young but when I was left at 39 with a 9 year old with special needs and an over weight old woman is how I felt with baggage ...you can start over and can move forward believe in yourself and go out have fun..

The only thing that is different is your dreams and desires change it's not what you may have imagined or thought of but trust me...I have moved on 7 years later and happier than ever in my life. Good URL to you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2014):

I'm so sorry. Your husband is horrible! I feel very sorry for you and your daughter. There are federally funded legal aid programs you can get legal advice from. If you can prove he was cheating that should increase your chances of getting a better settlement and division of assets also. Apparently there is alimony in TX according an online search, please do that.

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A female reader, suella United States +, writes (29 June 2014):

suella is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I need to correct something I wrote,I meant he had been seeing her for 2 years prior to him leaving,we have been married for 14 and together for 16.

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