A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 and currently still living with my parents while I save for a house deposit. My two younger sisters (25 and 22) also live at home, however my 25 year old sister has recently decided to move in with her boyfriend. The problem is, she has been slowly moving things like jewellery and clothes out for a couple of weeks now, and with it she seems to have taken a lot of my stuff. It is nothing of great value or anything, but some of my favourite clothes that I had washed and put in my ironing pile are now missing, and costume jewellery and make up that she had borrowed seems to be missing too. She has always been bad for 'borrowing' my stuff without asking and denying it (until caught), so I always joked that I'd search through her stuff whenever she did decide to move out, but I didn't really expect that she would steal my stuff and leave with it. I have asked her about this and she has denied it (as usual), but this time I can't go and claim things back from her room like I usually would. When I asked if she'd mind if I checked her new flat, she said I'm being ridiculous, plus she'd be embarrassed telling her boyfriend what I was doing. So what can I do? My mum and dad obviously don't want to take sides (nor should they really at our age) and I am so mad at her we are barely on speaking terms. This has always been the biggest source of our arguments too, even when the things were only in the next bedroom, but to take them for good is a step way too far I think. I don't spend a lot on myself either, because I am always saving for my house, so it is even more annoying that she thinks she can just take things from me. Any advice will be very welcome. Thank you all. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 November 2012):
 I'd write a list of the things that you know are missing, give your sister the list and tell her that this is what you are missing and you would apprecite it if she could check her new place just in case she accidentally took them with her. This way you are not accusing her of stealing, you are just saying you have lost these items and would appreciate it if she could check if it got mixed up with her stuff. It will give her the chance to bring them back of her own accord without you having to go through her stuff. You could even say to her that she doesnt have to tell you if they got moved to her new house, she can just bring them back, put them in your room and dont say a word about it. She wont even have to admit to taking them!
If this doesnt work, I'd turn up at her new house with a bottle of wine or some other 'housewarming gift', pretend you are there to see her new house, then when she takes you round the house check to see if you can spot anything of yours. But make sure you turn up unannounced, dont give her chance to tidy up and hide your stuff!
If you still cant see anything, you are just going to have to be a bit forceful and search for your things. I know its not the ideal solution, but if you give her a chance to bring your stuff back of her own accord and she doesnt take you up on it then it is her own fault. These are your belongings and she shouldnt keep them, and if she wont give them back then you are just going to have to search her house for them, whether she is happy about it or not.
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