A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: where to go from here is what i ask,there's nothing left my husband treats me as if i'm a child what time he isn't he's treating me as if i'm his mother.i really don't know why i stay.there's no affection between us anymore,there's nothing but work and spending hour's upon hour's of feeling lonely while he's on the computer,or watching t.v.what time we do spend talking our conversation consist of problems with my kid's.there's nothing i enjoy doing with him because he treats me like a child.he wont let me drive when we go someplace,he wont let me out of his site.the thing is i take care of everything at the house he hasnt treated me as a woman in year's,i'm in my 50's and really don't want to spend the rest of my life like this,i love the man with all my heart,but much more of life like it has been with him and that will fade,it seem's like all he wanted me for was to do the thing's his mother used to do for him,he tells me he loves me but i've come to belive it's the thing's i do for him that he loves.we can go someplace together and i'd give my life to have him look at me the way he does other other females'i try to walk in front of him so i don't notice and get upset about it but it's hard to do that all the time.he makes me feel as if theres something wrong with me,this past week i got to talk with other people for the first time in what seem's forever and it just made me realize how unhappy he's made me.he used to be my knight in shinning armor,but now he seem's more like a father to me.how can i get him to treat me like he did when i first got with him,is it over between us and i just dont know it? is it too late?he knows how i feel but doesn't seem to care,can he not see that i need more in life than the empty words i love you i need for him to be a husband and to treat me as a wife and not a child,if something doesn't change i dont think this marriage will last.if anyone knows something i can do i'd love to hear it,i told him this past week i was tired of him treating me like a child and he responded by saying find someone that wont is that what i should do?maybe it is time i start looking.
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Hi,
I am sorry that you're feeling the way you do. I wish I had one answer that will fix all your problems. I pill that will make all your pain, sadness and loneliness go away.
You've been married for a very long time and this is very delicate situation. How you describe, we cannot ignore that the marriage is not happy and its not fair to you and even your husband. The problem also is that you let this situation go too far for too long and your husband is just used to this life that you have now. I completely understand how you feel and I agree with you. My question is: Is your husband ok with the marriage situation? No romance, friendship, partnership, fun times, etc? How's his parents relationship? You can learn a lot from the parents, how they live, etc.
Question is: what do you really want?
2 choices:
* have a serious talk with your husband, explain how you feel, why you feel this way, what you want from him and from the marriage. Tell him that you're not happy and if things don't change
you'll not be able to continue living this way. Find the right time, and make sure he's in somewhat good mood. Don't be nervous, get upset, get angry, negative or blame him. Remember, you cannot pressure him. You have to make him understand. You're not fighting, you're having a conversation.
2nd choice:
*accept, acknowdledge and never complain. Live the rest of your life just the way its.
Make a choice an stick with it. Its torture to think the same thing and do the same thing over and over everyday.
If you decide to try to change the marriage and work things out with your husband, be patience, strong and prepare. As you describe your husband, he sounds like a stubborn man used to having everything his way. Sounds like he was brought up and raised by old school style, meaning, woman cook, clean and shut up. Man make money & the king of the house. (Hope I didn't offend you, because I don't know your husband and have no right to judge). Its going to be hard and might take a while. You may need to find professional help, marriage counselor.
Be strong and hope you and your family find happiness. Good luck
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