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female
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*anda86
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months. Before we got together he was engaged to this girl he'd been dating for 3 years. We got together 3 weeks after they had broken up (I didn't know they had only been broken up that long) For the longest time he still talked about her, he even snuck behind my back to talk to her(she was over him and moved on and he was still hung up on her). He denied talking to her and we broke up several times because him always talking about her or him lying to me about talking to her. Things are better now though, he even recently gave me a promise ring and asked me to move in with him. I love him so much and I would do anything for him, but I can't help but wonder if he is doing all of this because she has moved on and he just wants to settle down with someone so he will have someone. He also never compliments me, takes me out hardly, and we break up like every other month but we always get back together when he calls crying to me that he loves me and he wants to change. Every time we break up though, I find out that he was with some other girl, even though he only stay broken up for no longer than a few days. He cheated on his ex all the time and I'm scared that he is doing the same thing to me. I don't want to be stupid and stay with him, but when things are good they are real good, but when things are bad they are horrible! I've tried to talk to him about this but he just shuts down and doesn't want to talk. I've talked to his ex and she says that he always told her that she was beautiful and bought her so many things (I'm not a gold digger, but buying me things every once in a while, like a rose, is nice and taking me out to dinner or a movie like once a month I don't think is a lot to ask for).I'm jealous that he did all of these things for her, yet he tells me that he loves me so much more than he loved her and he's so much better off with me. It's hard to believe all of it. Do you think I'm stupid for staying with him?
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female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 December 2005):
 No, you are not stupid for staying with him, you are just not thinking straight... consider all these facts that you already know...1. He is a serial cheater... not good2. You got together while he was on the rebound..never good3. He never treats you and takes you out... no good4. You guys are always breaking up.... what good????Now that you can see clearly, which I sincerely hope you do,does it make sense to you to stay with him?Be intelligent about your answer to this, and be happy...Take Care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005): First, understand that sometimes, love just isn't enough.He wasn't over his ex when he started dating you. That doesn't mean he didn't want to be dating you - just that he wasn't over her. That takes a toll on a relationship, which can be hard to overcome.Don't move in with this guy. You make decisions like that when things are so great, you can't imagine not wanting to spend one single night away from each other for the foreseeable future. When you're breaking up once a month, that clearly is not the case.You have needs, and that's not a bad or unreasonable thing. If your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to fulfill those needs (complimenting you, making you feel good about yourself, being romantic, taking you out, etc.) then he's not the guy for you. It's sad, but true. Know that it is possible to love someone deeply and still realize that they are not right for you in the long-term. It doesn't mean you love them any less, but it also doesn't mean you won't find someone better for you.My advice would be to give it a month. If in 4 weeks he can't act like the guy you want him to be, end it.
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