A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok so heres my story. I started chatting to a guy who was recently separated on a dating website for a few weeks. It then progressed to texts every day. After about 3 weeks we decided to meet in person. It was a bit of uncoventional first date as he was on holiday with 2 of his children in my town. We had a lovely time and we met the following day and again it went well. The following week and we spent all the weekend together and became initimate. He met some of my family. OK and this is where I went wrong - I asked him if he was seeing anyone else (dating websites are renowned for being a bit of a playground) and he said he wasnt. I told him I was still seeing someone very casually (ie for sex) but I would end it. He then sent me a txt saying he didnt want to see me anymore. I was very upset and told him how much I liked him and to give me a chance. He said never as he'd been cheated on before. I gave him a few days and got in touch again. He replied and we started texting again. The problem was tho every time I suggested getting together again he said yes and then would cancel. This went on for about 4 weeks. Then last week he sent me a message to say he had been on a date with someone else but it was not serious. As we were still only 'friends' I wished him luck. And then a few days later he changed his Facebook status to in a relationship. I was so gutted so I asked him what was going. He just sent a txt back saying 'she dosent play around'. Thats when I sent a couple of nasty txts to him without a reply. So now I feel stupid, angry and sad that we are no longer in contact. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): If you want someone to take you seriously, don't fool around sleeping with someone else. That really means you are not available for a proper relationship. I don't blame him. Especially as he's been cheated on before.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for you replys. I could kick myself for it. He was a lovely guy altho I was cautious as he told me he was not looking for a serious relationship when we met and he was chatting to others online and sending naked pictures of himself to others. I thought we were on the same level. I even saw his profile on a sex dating website. I will just chalk it up to a lesson learnt and move on and look for a committed relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): I agree with the others. Some men have as much sex as they can but plenty of others don't like that lifestyle at all. I don't think you were in the wrong (except for the nasty texts) but he took your interactions more seriously than you did. Chalk it up to being two different people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): Firstly, the nasty texts were really unnecessary.
Accountable is right. This guy - whether because of the previous cheating or just his general belief - doesn't agree with casual sex. Despite what some women think, a LOT of men don't agree with casual sex. If I am sleeping with someone it's because I really like them and think it could lead to a serious relationship. If it gets to the intimate stage, then you'd better not be being intimate with anyone else. And while you may not have told him this up front, if a woman let me meet her family, I would be pretty much assuming that this was an exclusive relationship (or at least exclusive dating).
You admitted you went wrong. Sadly, this is one of those things. But it was even more wrong of you to send the nasty texts. If you feel stupid, angry and sad, I'm afraid you are the only one to blame and you just have to move on. There is no going back with this chap. Just learn the lesson for the future.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (17 September 2010):
 It sounds like he just isnt the kind of person who thinks casual sex is ok, and as you do, he felt you weren't compatible. Its a shame, but it is a clash of values, which would probably come up again if you were together. Stop the nasty texts and try to move on gracefully - you'll find someone whos more suited to you :) good luck!
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