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female
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anonymous
writes: I moved 120 miles 10 months ago to buy a house with my boyfriend. We have been together for 2 and a half years now. 2 weeks ago he woke up and told me he thought it was over. He cried and was very adamant. I went back to my Mum's for a week. It was hell. I came back a week later and he was still adamant but then admitted there was someone else. It had been going on since the night before he told me it was over. He then came to me 2 weeks later and told me it was over with her and he had made a very big mistake and wanted me back. We have a home, business and had a very good relationship together. He now claims he had a fear of commitment and felt he needed to have a last fling - he said that he knows I am the one for him. I am so confused, because I always thought I would run from a cheater, but I don't. I want to stay. He has agreed to counselling. I just want some advice on how to move forward. The best things to do to ensure that he doesn't lose respect for me and how to build trust again. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (28 September 2005):
Hi,
It sounds like your guy made one hell of a mistake and regreted it really quickly. Before I finished reading your post I knew what you were going to say. You sound like an emotionally healthy woman and he sounds like an emotionally healthy man. This does seem like your he really had commitment issues and was scared because you were settling down together and everything. Making love to the same person for the rest of your life can seem like a scarey prospect even for the most solid of us. I feel you are right to give him another chance especially seen as he didn't string you along for ages, it sounds like he already has a lot of respect for you. He openly admitted to cheating on you which means that he is fundamentally trustworthy. An important thing to REMEMBER if you want to move on is DON"T tell your friends and family the big boo boo he has done. Sometimes its hard for those who love us to move on even though we can. Feel free to ask him questions about the other woman as this is nessesary for the healing process. He has to be prepared to answer them again and again and again and again. Over time you will be able to let it go. Don't rush it and don't think that just because you are willing to put it behind you that it does not need to be discussed. You need to know the details and even if they hurt and cause you pain it is better to ask questions and be told the truth that to have the imaginary stuff going on in the back of your mind. I admire your attitude to this and I hope you can stay strong. It sounds like you could have something really good so hold on to it.
Delila
A
female
reader, charlotte +, writes (28 September 2005):
THis is a very tricky situation this, to be completely honest if i was you i would get out of there and leave him, youve got to ask yourself what if he hadnt have split with the other girl and he only wants u back cos he cant have her.
What i wud suggest doing is to follow your heart, if you think its worth sticking together and sorting it then i would . trusting him again will be very hard, i rekon if he done it once he is capable of doing it again because there wil always be that part in your mind when youre thinking what if hes cheating now etc etc.
I wish you all the best and hope it goes right for you
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