A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone else feel like it's more difficult than it rightfully should be to make friends? I'm 24, married, no children, moved to a new city in October 2011, and haven't been able to make 1 single friend. I've met plenty of people in the last 14 months, so that isn't the problem. The thing I've noticed is I have problems holding a person's interest once I've broken the ice with them. They seem to really like me at first, and I get my hopes up that I can develop a friendship with them, but then out of nowhere they just start avoiding me. For example, at my last job, my supervisor was always very friendly whenever he saw me. He would always say hi and ask how I was doing, and I was just as friendly right back to him. Then over the course of just a few weeks, I noticed his behavior changed toward me. He stopped making small talk, and almost seemed to be avoiding me. Then he started to be friendly again, so I decided to send him a friend request on facebook. I wanted to get to know him outside of work, because he seemed like the kind of person I would want to be friends with. He also looked to be around my age. He was always kind to our other coworkers as well, and had a good sense of humor. Anyhow, he didn't accept my request. He was still friendly at work for about a week after that, but then he started acting really cold toward me. Whenever I would talk to another coworker, he would go right up to them after I walked away, and say something to them. I never found out what he was saying, but then those people started avoiding me as well. It got to the point where I felt uncomfortable being anywhere near him. Sometimes he would just stand and stare at me with his arms folded while I was working. I would notice this out of the corner of my eye. I decided to send him a message on facebook apologizing if it seemed weird for me to send a request, and also told him I was only looking for platonic friendships so there would be no question in his mind about what my intentions with him were. He ignored the message, and still acted cold at work. I wound up quitting to get away from him. I didn't want to speak to a manager about him and get him in trouble, especially since he really hadn't done anything that bad. He's far from the first person this has happened with. It also happened to me with a guy I worked with in 2010, and it also happens with women as well. When I was 20, I had a woman message me on myspace saying she'd just moved from across the country, and was looking for new friends in the area. I went for it, because I was in no position even then to turn down friendship opportunities. We met up and seemed to get along great. Then over the course of a month, I noticed she wasn't calling me anymore, and then I found out from someone else she said I was weird. She then straight up told both me and my husband she wanted nothing to do with us anymore with no explanation. She tried to keep our stuff that we let her borrow, but we kept calling her and bugging her til she gave it back. But even then, she just put it in our mailbox. She couldn't even be bothered to give it back in person. Sorry this is so long, but I've had a rough time my entire life keeping friends once I make them. The one friend I did manage to keep moved far away when I was just 15. We're still in contact, but haven't seen each other in person in 3 years, because we live so far apart. Anyway, what am I doing wrong? Why does it seem so easy for other people? I see other peoples' lives broadcasted on facebook all the time, them hanging out with their friends, and having a good time. Those same people said they were "too busy with work and school" to hang out with me. Yet there they are in their photos hanging out with other friends. It's so irritating to know there's something wrong with you, but no one will tell you what so you can fix it. Does anyone else have this problem? What did you do about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2012): hi there! happy new year.Guess what? after reading your dilemma I honestly could relate to how you feel. Im the type of person who doesn't want to make friends with loud people or people i am not comfortable with. In short its really hard to make friends with me and i have a hard time making friends and keeping my friends too.But what i realized is that, you don't have to force yourself to other people. You don't need to try hard just for them to like you. what i did to cope up, i know this sound too shallow but it works for me.I made my self productive, i change the color of my hair, i try hard to perform well on my job, i update my wardrobe. i smell good everyday.Then suddenly the guy whom i wish to talk with, for over a year started talking to me, even making a move to have lunch with me, in short his flirting with me. and then people who used to be my friends started to notice that i look good everyday. It was so crazy, i felt like im a diff'rent person. But life is not perfect, though i have one friend i am close with, there are still times that i am alone. But I have to be strong for myself. Friendship is something that should be given to you without exerting an extra effort coz if you do try hard just to make people like you, it wont last. Its not genuine. Its a fake type of friendship. I suggest for you to be friendly but not too friendly. Just right. reinvent yourself. be good at what you do, little by little you will find your self with too many friends around you.. Be Happy.. Pray and Love..
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