A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is up with my childhood friend? He has a girlfriend but has always been very protective of me with other guys i went out with saying they arent good enough and giving them dirty looks. Hes in his 30s im nearly 30 he seems to have put his life on hold and i dont know why. He has made excuses to come round my house and has even played love songs outside my house on purpose i think. But hes not really admitting anything and hes not single and i have told him i hope hes happy in whatever he chooses because i dont want to break anyone up. I think hes not happy. What is up with him. I dont want to tell him i love him cause hes with someone and i cant break up relationships.Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): He wants his bit on the side
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts strange the different answears from male and female readers of this question. Women seem somewhat more bitter.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 May 2014):
 IF you tell him you love him and he breaks up with his gf you will always wonder.
If his relationship with his current gf is strong you could strip down naked, sit on his lap and tell him you love him and it would not matter... relationships that are solid are not easily shattered by someone outside having an interest.
the problem is you have feelings for him he does not have for you.
IF you want to see what's really up you COULD run this risk:
YOU COULD:
tell him how you feel and then tell him it's too painful for you to continue being just friends with him so that you have to walk away from the friendship. then you let him know IF he is ever single and interested in you as more than a friend you would be receptive to seeing if it works out with you.
DO NOT sit around pining away for him or wondering what's going on. Take control of your life.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 Its like that old song, because you are wishing and hoping and thinking and praying that you will be his you are seeing signs of love where there are none.
He has a girlfriend, what makes you think he has put his life on hold?
You have a few choices, you can continue to sit back and watch everybody else get on with their lives while you moon over an unrequited love, or you can just let it go and get on with your own life, or your third choice is you could take a risk and tell him how you feel.
I'd go for option two if I were you.
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A
male
reader, wise-guy  +, writes (3 May 2014):
As a guy, it sounds to me that at some point during your friendship he has developed feelings of love for you. Hence why he hates it when guys take you away from him - I know he's in a relationship but sometimes you just can't help how your heart feels about someone
As friends you've probably spent a vast amount of time together and you may even know him better than his girlfriend does.
To him, if you get with a guy he'll see you as 'the one that got away' and he'll always regret it.
The messy part is you love him too. Clearly you're a good hearted girl to seek help on here instead of breaking a relationship up, no one wants to do that.
Maybe you should try to distance yourself from him? I know it will be hard if you love him but if you keep letting him get close you'll only be hurting yourself and him because you can't be anything more than friends. If his current relationship ends then perhaps IN TIME something could spark up between you.
But you can't wait and hold on forever, if a guy comes along who you genuinely like then you should just live your life.
Sorry if I can't be much more helpful to you
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (3 May 2014):
 Hi,
"I don't wan't to tell him I love him", do you love him?
Some of his actions sound like an older brother figure (protecting you) , but then others make him appear jealous and playing love songs (unless a joke or to make you smile) is out of character for a friend.
I would advise against breaking up a relationship, even if he doesn't appear happy.
1. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
2. It makes you come over as the bad one.
3. You could be misreading the signs and end up looking foolish.
You have been friends all of your adult lives (well since you were kids I suspect). I would first take it as he is just being a brother figure, but don't rush into any hasty decisions.
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