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What's the difference between making love, and just having sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 May 2008) 9 Answers - (Newest, 8 August 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *howstopper writes:

whats the difference between making love, having sex, and fucking? do you think guys know the difference or they just ask for one or the other?

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A female reader, tamika1983 United States +, writes (8 August 2009):

Love making is filled with passion, caressing, kissing and most importantly endless touching to let your partner know exactly how u feel anout them. The sound of your partners heartbeat, breathing, and moans together as one is the best feeling. Sex is more like a quickie where there is not much shared especially if he cums and u don't. Its very upsetting when u feel like damn that's it. He got his and said the hell with me. It feels like a one night stand and I personally hate it. It doesn't make your partner feel wanted especially if u just straight go for it not being aroused even a little bit. He could be hard as a rock but if she's not aroused it feels wrong. There's just this overwhelming feeling of being cheap and not wanted like that's all your good for. F*cking is one of my faviorate ways ways to have sex simply because I like rough sex. I like the constant banging followed with hair pulling, grinding hard, and ocassionally having his hand around my neck but not too hard. To me rough sex can be as passionate as making love especially if your partner is into that kind of thing. When your making love your breathing is slow and your moaning is like a cats soft cry. In sex u don't even get the chance to get into it to moan or breath. When f*cking your breathing is fast and your moaning is loud and uncontrolable. Its like your body just yerns for more not wanting him to stop. Like I said though the way I feel about rough sex is the way most people feel about lovemaking. Its all about what gets that person really aroused.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008):

Love Making and Then There’s Quickies

Just about every guy experiences those times when he just wants to take his woman; have his sexual way with her and then move on without all the sexual foreplay involved in making love. Guys have received a shocking reputation for only wanting quickie sex. Women, on the other hand have received just as shocking reputation for needing abundance of foreplay and after play. While making love and quickies both involve intimate physical contact the differences between them and how they are perceived in our society are vast. Is this stereotyping accurate; do relationships require both styles of sexual intercourse to have a satisfied partner?

In relationships, one has to maintain the creative juices flowing in and out of the bedroom. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little quickie on occasion; believe it or not there are a profusion of women who take pleasure in a quickie without all the persnickety foreplay that accompanies love making.

It is however a scientific fact that a woman’s body takes longer to warm up for sexual intercourse than a guy’s body because sex to most women is linked to love, as they are more emotional by nature than are men. Women want to feel more beautiful than they are, emotionally needed, and sexually arousing, with a deep sense of intimate connection with their lover. Women fall in love with their brain, men fall in love with their eyes; hence the reason women feel the need for foreplay and after play.

Foreplay isn’t something to be started ten minutes before sexual intercourse. Letting a woman know she is sexually attractive throughout the day, weather by a note, text, email, or phone (be creative, women love surprises) will make her a lot more receptive when you just want a quickie also. Women love the power men posses over them during a fast paced quickie or vice- versa, let her take over you. She will be just as eager for a quickie with out all the kissing, cuddling, and sappy talk as long as she feels treasured and desirable.

Love, as defined in Webster’s American Dictionary is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Love making as described in the Webster’s American Dictionary is, the act of courting or sexual activity. So we can see how women would link love and sex in our male gender dominated language system. Guys may have designed the words that makeup our language but, they didn’t design the idiomatic expression of love making. “The big strokes of sex are easy-anyone can do them; but true passion is revealed in the fine strokes that turn lovemaking into an art” says Dr. Sadie Allison in her book “Ride ‘em Cowgirl”.

Lengthy, hot, sweaty, sensual love making is an intimate meeting made for two; taking your sweet time exploring each other’s bodies with a kiss, lick, bite, or nibble can open up endless options in the bedroom or where ever you are. Making love is tender, passionate, and emotional. Flirting, teasing, caressing, and affectionate words of admiration will drive you both wild and turn her into a sultry seductress. It’s the ultimate bonding experience for partners; that takes foreplay, which takes creative thought and plenty of time.

It’s difficult in our fast paced society to engage in the art of love making all the time. Quickies are impulsive, primal, and animalistic, for the most part. It’s the excitement of forbidden locations at work, the mall, in the car, on the car, and many other creative places that make quickie sex the spice of life in a relationship. Quick fast paced sex sessions, that occupy those stolen moments in our lives, make both forget about the world, if just for a minute or two. The whole point of quickie sex is spontaneity and excitement! The catch to enjoying quickie sex is that you have to make sure she doesn’t feel like you’re going to leave money on the nightstand when you’re finished; because the majority of women feel most vulnerable after sex. That’s not to say you have to engage in after play, as that would turn a quickie into a longie, but guys you need to make her feel she was apart of the sexual act and not a prop for your sheer lust and physical gratification.

Men are animalistic by nature when it comes to sexual intercourse, so they naturally have a need to dominate. They’re emotionally less needy than are women. Myths and stereotypes about sex are rife in our society, including the myth that men prefer quickies as too love making; but in a recent Cosmo poll (tens of thousands of males responded) found that the majority of men crave quickies only a few times a week --max—and 65 percent want longer sack sessions to last at least 45 minutes. Men have emotional needs also. They want to feel strong and powerful, but also needed, and sexually arousing to their partner. If they feel appreciated, respected, adored, and sexual desired by their partner, they will yearn to make love to their partner for an emotional connection.

So we can see how love making and quickies can be different to women and guys and also how our society could misinterpret not only the sexual need but also the psychological need that both women and guys have for each style of sexual intercourse in a relationship.

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A female reader, never tell United States +, writes (26 September 2008):

to me making love is when you get lost in each others eyes and you connect... its slow, gentle, its kind of hard to explain the feeling. some guys dont know the meaning. sex is just sex you dont really have feelings for each other and like they said before me f______g should stay in the porn movies they dont know each other i guess that could be considered a one night stand

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

Well, my girlfriend and I agreed: There is a heading, then sub-heading. Sex is, in general, general. Sex is just the action of two people getting their groove on, what you do in the bed (or counter top, bathroom sink, shower, closet-whatever) depends on whether you're f**king or making love. We agreed that you have to be in love to in fact make love. What we disagreed on was the fact that you had to be disconnected from the other person to f**k them. Me and my girlfriend are madly in love. And we look in each others eyes a lot, we breathe really deep, we even say "I love you"-or "I f**king love you"-during. Making love just seems to slow and boring to us, but it doesn't mean we're less dedicated to each other.

Bottom line: You have to be in love to make love, but it's slower. You can still be in love to f**k, but it's just making love faster.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008):

Making love is when you are having sex with someone you care for and he cares for you.

Just having sex is when you just like to have sexual pleasure not necessarily with someone you love and you do not care about his feelings and pleasure but just for yourself.

Fucking is very ugly porno thing. Most people just do that and never feel the beauty of love or sex. Fucking is painful, unconfortable and disgusting to me and i suppose to every woman. I do not know about men. May be they like it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

You make love with someone your in love with it is very passionate and is the best and only sex that people should have. This is rare to find these days.

The other having sex or to screw both are the same thing you are just horny and settle to have sex with anyone friend stranger whoever. This is not passionate just done fast with each person only careing about getting themself off. Sure people in love may have quickies but in my opion it is diffrent than just f***ing. Sure they may go fast but it is more intament there is eye contact deep kissing and petting you care how your partner feels. You want to give them pleasure not just yourself. I'ts just like making love but faster. I guess the diffrence is that your in love with that person. hope that helps.

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A male reader, jonesen12 United States +, writes (29 May 2008):

its simple.. love making is a special occassion between two people that truly care about each other sharing their most precious gift with each other.. fucking is when u just wanna do it doggy style and never see the girls face because u could give a shit less about how they feel.. its wham bam thank u maam now scram...


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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

I agree with Tremor. However, you can do all 3 with just one person. Making love is when the 2 of you kiss, snuggle and hug and that and the feeling of love and affection is more important than the sex that you have between the love making before and after the sex. You spend much more time with the woman's head on the man's shoulder or chest, just looking at each other and gently kissing.

You can just have sex with that person who you love. You screw because you are both horny. You don't have the time for very much of the love making and the feeling of affection. You have some foreplay, but that is about it.

You can also just fuck the person who you love, like the proverbial quickie in the bushes behind the barn, or wnatever.

My wife and I have done all 3, but mostly we make love, we have sex a lot too and we have rarely just fucked.

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A female reader, Tremor Australia +, writes (29 May 2008):

Tremor agony auntSo far as I know, it goes something like this:

Making love is sex between two people with a strong emotional bond. Loving, passionate and gentle - it's more to do with emotions than with the act itself.

Sex is friendly - as in what you'd do with a casual partner or a 'fuck buddy'.

Fucking, so far as I interpret it, is what you do after you pick up a seedy bloke in a pub. Go hard, then leave before they wake up.

But I'd assume that everyone will interpret the terms differently.

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