A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im not sure why this is bothering me but it is so im going to ask it. Who should be first in a serious relationship? Men and women, asnswers please. If your a man do u put your needs ahead of your womans? If your a woman do u put his needs ahead of your own? Now why im asking this..im involved with a man and yes its a commited serious deal. Im not quite sure how the subject came up but i sure remember his response he said id never come first in his life but id come before his friends.hes been selfish n we have arugued about that but im wonderin if he thinks this way hes going to continue on this path. I put his needs ahead of my own cuz thats what i thought you do in a relationship am i wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, spirited +, writes (14 June 2007):
The way it should work should be you are first for him, and he is first for you. That way, bith set of needs are met, and both parties are happy. It's not always gonna be 50/50, sometimes it'll be 60/40, 70/30... but if it's always you giving more, then it is not even... and you don't deserve to be made less of b/c of a man's selfishness.
Set him straight, or get him out. You deserve equal respect.
God Bless!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): This is a tough subject. I know I'm not a registered fellow or anything. But I have helped people out with this many times and saved a relationship or two so please hear me out.
In serious relationships the needs of each person are important. The needs that each individual has for themselves, the needs that an individual has for the other, and the needs one has for the relationship as a whole.
As for individual needs, like jobs and friends for instance, one has to keep those for three good reasons. One, a partner in a relationship needs there job so that, in the event the relationship goes bad, they can still support themselves. Two, a partner in the relationship needs their friends for two reasons, people to get advice from, and people to talk to when things are going badly, vent, in a matter of speaking.
So for the needs of one partner to the other, this are more difficult to outline. Looking beyond the sexual "needs" for a minute here. In a relationship, each partner must be honest, open, and trusting. They need to be involved in the other's life and above all NOT IN A CONTROLLING WAY! That will ALWAYS, 100%, RUIN A RELATIONSHIP! That being said, if the lady comes home and her body language just screams "I had a really crappy day and I could just about cry right now", that's her man's cue to do something to cheer her up, and that door especially swings both ways.
As for the relationship as a whole, the openness, honesty, and trust are even more important. If your partner tells you that they are going out for drinks with friends, it helps if you give them the benifit of the doubt. If you don't like thier friends, just ask them to come home a little ealier than they were planning to. Compromise is a good thing. It shows that each side of the couple is willing to alter thier life to suite the other. It is a massive trust building action.
Hope I've helped, if not, I'm sure someone else will be of more assistance. Good luck.
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