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female
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anonymous
writes:Hoping someone or a number of people can help a bit here. I am on an important committee and am respected for my contributions. I briefly dated one of the guys in the group. He broke it off as he met someone else. I took it pretty maturely but at the meetings whenever I make a contribution he interrupts or demeans what I say. I thought that after the rejection I suffered he would just leave me be but he is not. I suspect he neither likes or respects me and his attitude could influence the other people...so as it is a volunteer group I have decided to leave. I will not tolerate this. He knows I am sensitive and open. I know that somehow I have failed to network properly but my contributions were number one in the province. I feel leaving is the best option but a good friend said I should stay but that seems unthinkable right now. Which shows more pride and assertives...to stay or go? I do not think there is anything I can do to shut this guy down...so any thoughts really appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help and support on this one...some good ideas...again thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):
You sound like a very reasonable person, can you approach him, perhaps with someone else who can "mediate" in the discussion (perhaps someone who already kmows that there is an issue and seems sympathetic to your side) and matter of factly point out some occurances in which you feel he acted inappropriately towards something you have said?
Maybe in this context, and with someone who can support you, some good can come from the meeting whereby he realises his mistakes and stops, or even that it is brought out so that other people in the group realise that he is the problem.
Failing that, if you have had enough already, then I would leave like you suggest - as you know yourself that you were the better person.
By the way, reading your reply I think perhaps it would be easier to just leave, but go with your gut feeling on the matter, and I don't think there is anything to feel bad or ashamed about if you do decide to leave the group, perhaps there is something else that could now more benefit from your time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn the committee there is one other person who is doing same thing and she is a friend of his. There are others who seem to be standing up for me at times...but for whatever the reason...I also have a successful career...this is no longer a nice place for me even though I have acheived much. I have perservered through a year and know I am not in the wrong but have run out of steam so fleeing still seems the best option
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female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Don't let him chase you away from something you enjoy. If others respect you for your contributions, it's doubtful that he will succeed in turning them against you. Trust me, others will notice that the negativity toward you comes from only ONE person and will give it a lot less credibility than if multiple people were talking trash. Next time he interrupts you, ask him politely, in front of everyone, to be respectful of what you are saying and wait his turn to speak. If he fails to do so, he will then look like a jerk in front of everyone else...also ruining his credibility should he start spreading negative things about you. Whatever you do, don't reward his petty behavior by backing down on this. Good luck =]
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