A
female
age
30-35,
zbelliveau
writes:hey my name is zaida and i am in love with this man who i know is wrong for me i know he will never change and i also know that he will always be verbully abusive i am 35 latina he is almost 50 and french canadian, he also owns a buissness which he has had for about 16 years he talks about me trashly and is always putting me down really bad he likes to change stories around and people and his fammily thinks im the bad one , oh and the women like for instance when we break up he talks so much shit but then he goes and moves in a junkie into my house or a chat line crack hore and his ex wife who i a obt prostitute im confused cause then he tells me he loves me ,please tell me what to do ,ZAIDA
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (21 March 2008):
 To add what rcn says, you have not only allowed this guy control over you emotionally but also given him rights over your property. The part about him moving questionable characters into your house without your permission shows a lot about how little your decision matters to him. If you are unable to flat out dump him, I would start by setting better boundaries around your legal space. This is enforcable and he won't be able to talk his way out of that. I am sure you doing this will cause a lot of resistance on his part but it is a sure way to shift the power in this relationship where it belongs. Usually an age gap isn't an issue unless it comes to a guy like this and then the gap is magnified because he always thinks he is in charge or the decision maker. You have rights, you know, and it's just a matter of you standing up for them. Zaida, I'm not sure how dependent you are on him financially but I would suggest you go see a therapist who can give you some references for assertiveness training and support groups to assist you in not only getting out of this situation but give you some skills to not allow this in the future.
A
male
reader, rcn + ♥, writes (21 March 2008):
 What do you feel love really is. I think your interpretation and mine is different. My definition is this: love is the choice to love someone without condition and without return expectation.
It's a choice because when things are difficult, it's the choice to still love. When everything seems to be crashing down, it's the chioce to love that person, and to use the love between the two people to build strength to overcome issues that may arrise.
Let me tell you about this type of love. Some people are in "love" with the sense of control. This isn't love. Love shouldn't make you loose your sense of self, it should enhance you to build you to be the best you can become. His behavior is not love, it's control. It's the beginning of what could be a violent experience which when his desire for control grows, so does his actions toward you.
I recommend you say goodbye for good. You deserve better, and should not have to accept this behavior from him.
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