A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Well I don't know how to start this but from looking up similar situations on this sight I don't feel too wierd to ask. I am in love with my cousin and have been for years now. When I was 17 I slept at my aunt's house (my mother's sister) in the room with a female cousin who was only about 2 years younger than I. It was a small house and we had to sleep on the floor, as the night passed on she started adavancing towards me then when she was close enough she made the moves on me, naturally at that age I wasn't going to turn a very attractive young lady down and we had intercourse. After that it was almost a regular thing between us for a little while as we developed feelings for each other. Then I lost touch with that side of the family. Now 10 years later I have regained contact with that side of the family because I am now engaged... that cousin now lives with my mother, as I went to go visit my mother one day I was reunited with my cousin, there was an immediate attraction as well as a bit of a weird vibe in the air, we exchanged numbers and screen names and have been talking a lot. I have also seen a lot of her.Eventually the past was brought up, I'm not going into the details but it turns out we still have feelings for each other. We want to be together but really we can't, I am engaged after all but the feelings I have are having me question my engagement because if I had the choice I would be with my cousin and she would be with me. As of right now my cousin and I have only kissed but we want so much more. We feel like we were destined to be together but are afraid of the modern day taboo that 1st cousins should not be together but I have done my research and realised it's not as bad as everyone seems to think. Well my question is what should I do about my feelings for my cousin and my current engagement? For those reading this that are disgusted, you shuld go to www.cousincouples.com before you start to make judgement and calling it incest because it's not. I am looking for advice not your opinion on cousin relationships, so if you're gonna be rude just don't bother trying to give me advice.
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cousin, engaged, exchanged numbers, incest Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Confused Lover  +, writes (9 October 2008):
what you have to ask yourself is are you in love with your fiancee or would you rather be with your cousin?also are you prepared to lose your family over your cousin because from personal experience your families would not approve?would you be happy with your cousin and does she make you happy?because if you love your cousin and she loves you and your ready to give everything up for her then call your engagement off and live your life the way you want to with the person you lovei am saying this because i totally understand what your going through because i also am in love with my first cousin(my father's sister son) we were together for four months before we had sex but when we did it was because we were in love and wanted to take it to the next step, i had had oral sex with my cousin before intercourse but i was only giving it not receiving. when we did have intercourse we didn't use contraceptives because whenever we got some time alone it was kind of unplanned so we nver really carried any contraceptives with us and so i became pregnant but we came out to my parents telling them we were in love and then they found out i was pregnant and made me have an abortion, and since 2 years i haven't seen my cousin, i still love him so much and long to see him again. but if i had the chance to be with my cousin i would take it because our love was truemy family are totally against us been together and would do anything to keep us apart so its not that easy to try and see him, also im not the kind of person who speaks up to their family but you do whats right for you and your cousin because life is to short to be sacrificing our dreams and doing what pleases everyone else.i hope i have been of help
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthx it is nice to see that there are understanding people out there that dont critisize.
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A
female
reader, maid_Marian_vetbabe +, writes (9 October 2008):
 If you are questioning your engagement, the call it off, if you know, in your heart of hearts that you want to be with the woman you love most, your cousin!
It will hurt your fiance, but it will hurt a lot less than affairs and a divorce, which is what will happen if youre not happy and content in your marriage!
Marry the woman you love, its the only way to live a happy and fulfilled life. Just let your fiancee down easily!
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A
female
reader, k- pee  +, writes (9 October 2008):
love is answer to your question. Go for then one you love with all your heart, who you will be happy with, please never doubt your heart. Break the silence and tell your parents how you feel because you really need support from your family. Never give up, do everything with love, hope and faith. Wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil + ♥, writes (9 October 2008):
 The 'pull' between first cousins is very strong. I know all about it because I've lived with mine for the last eight years. Relationships between cousins is of a completely different order to any other, and anyone who has not been in that situation cannot understand the feelings involved.
As you will have gathered from the website, the USA is the only western country that applies restrictions. Some states allow it, others don't and still others allow it under certain circumstances. It all depends on where you live.
However, whether or not the 'other woman' is a cousin, I'd say to break off your engagement until you get your feelings sorted out. You're not ready to fully commit to your fiancee if your attention can be swayed towards someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthx i sent you an email a lil further in depth
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A
male
reader, qcumbr1 + ♥, writes (9 October 2008):
 I checked out the website...very informative, Thanx
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A
male
reader, qcumbr1 + ♥, writes (9 October 2008):
Loving someone is never a bad thing...even your cousin. I don't see anything wrong with having a loving relationship between you and your cousin, however getting past the family's feelings about it may be a challenge. I also don't recommend having any children. If you feel you can enjoy life together without children,(adoption is an option). I'd say go for it. The fact that your feelings for your cousin make you question your relationship with your fiance tells me you might not be ready to take that big step. Of course only you can make that final decision. As far as I know, sex between brother and sister, or children and parents is considered incest. I'm not so sure 1st cousins is incest, but because the relation to the parents is so close, there may be complications when it comes to having children.
hope this helps...
Q
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