A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I didn't mean to fall in love with him I just did.I am 22 and he is 24I have had one serious relationship which was abusive and lasted 5 years. I finally ended that relationship and have spent just under a year being single, trying to fix myself physically, emotionally and mentally. Any way I met this guy 8 months ago and I automatically fell head over heels for him.In no way was I trying to fall in love.He is a real man, I know he would never hurt me, let alone in that way.The only thing is I know my dad will disaprove for 2 reasons1. My boyfriend is a biker, my dad has always told me I would never own a bike as he thinks cars are after ( you have a seatbelt and a windscreen, apposed to the elements in a bike)2- I am my dad's baby he doesn't want me to get hurt like before.So my questions areHow to I go about introducing my boyfriend to my family?Will my dad be disappointed?I love my boyfriend and he is a real man, I am just so scared my dad will hate him, when I love him so much.Any advice would be appreciated Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2016): Looking at you letter, it would be important to define what is a ‘real man’ is to you. Is it what you think you ‘should’ have? what society thinks you ‘should’ have? If you are acting out of desperation thinking this is my one and only chance for a ‘real man’ there may be some fantasy or illusion being created in your head. A strong strategy for you right now would be to take a piece of paper 8.5x11 divided in half and list all of the traits you love in this guy on one side and all of the things that you dislike, hate or despise on the other. Keep writing each list until the traits you love are exhausted. Then keep wiring the traits you hate until list is exhausted. If you end up with many more traits you love then you hate, you are not in balance, you are in a fantasy within that relationship and it will end poorly with resentment. Be strong in your relationship with a balanced perspective, with certainty of yourself in the relationship and certainty in the relationship and things most likely will be harmonious.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2016): As a male old enough to be your father I would very skeptical that you have sufficiently recovered emotionally to jump into a new relationship and I would be very suspicious of any guy who swept you off your feet given your prior history, so I would be very concerned that you could be falling into the same trap from which it took five years to extricate yourself. Potential abusers are very good at identifying vulnerable females and then playing to those vulnerabilities to lure them in before they reveal their real selves. I would also be concerned that new boyfriend is a biker for the same reason as your father: your safety. I worked at a trauma center where motorcycles were known as "donor-mobiles" as they were an excellent source for providing young, healthy organs for transplantation. Your chances of escaping any bike accident without serious injury wouldn't be very high, and with all the drunk drivers, texters, and other idiots on the road you'd be at risk regardless of how proficient a rider your boyfriend might be. All I can say is take things very slowly and expect your father to be disappointed while remembering he loves you and wants the best for you, so it would be very un-fatherly of him to immediately approve for the reasons stated above.
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